Kickin' It Up...to have a baby:)

My husband and I have wanted to have children together since we got together in 2001. Sadly, we have not been successful in this endeavor and it's tearing us both up. He's as of recently declined into a depression and I am fighting to stay afloat. We had my tubal reversal done in 2003, from which we have had one miscarriage in July 2004. It's now 2009 - almost 5 years since then and nothing. One big part of the problem is that we were told that my tubes are pretty much shot. I'll be 43 in April, and I've been doing some internet research tonight to see how we can still hold onto any hope...and once again, my Guides have shown me a chance and a silver lining.

I keep having little clues that New Jersey is somehow in my future. I learned tonight that while at my age with my own eggs, we only have about a 6% chance of a viable pregnancy and a live birth - with donor eggs, we have the same chance as the age of the donor! The in vitro process would involve a petrie-dish fertilization between Jaysen's sperm and the donor eggs - but the child(ren) would grow in me - and we'd share and love in that pregnancy together. Where does New Jersey come into all of this? One of the most successful fertility/donor clinics is there. Another thing I learned is that New Jersey is a fertility insurance mandated state - for a max of 4 tries, and then there are payment plans.

What does all of this mean in the grand scheme? It means I'm going from transitioning back to high raw to 100% raw and getting myself back in shape and staying there. I've put back on a few pounds this past year and eaten many things I shouldn;t and would not normally have due to high stress and no time - but those tables have all turned for the better for me. I can't wait for him to come home tonight so I can tell him what I've learned and what I have planned.

Now, admittedly, I am still not ruling out a natural pregnancy once I have my weight down to the ideal for a while - but my goal is to make that journey to New Jersey before I turn 45 if we still have not given birth. Last year when I was doing my cleanse, scar tissue was healing. It may well be that between dropping the pounds and healing tissues, we may well finally have that success we have been so aching for.

Ultimately, we may have to relo to make this all happen, and if that turns out to be the case, so be it. I love my farm house, but I'd live in a cardboard shack if it meant finally making this dream come true. Jaysen may have to take a job elsewhere in the meantime, and we may have to have some commuting time - but I finally really feel that we're going to make it!

Send all thinks positive Rawbies - this means more to us than anything!