Mattye Lee's Raw Progression

Where in the World is Mattye Lee?

2010-10-14T08:13:00.000-07:00

Hi all - I've been away dealing with life for a while and it's high time I got myself back online!! I've begun a new blog, Holistically Natural - and a new life! Go check it out - still advocating high raw and sensibility! I just feel that it is time to put all of the pieces together:)

I'll no longer be updating my raw progression blog, but will leave it accessible for those on the journey.

The Farmer's Garden

2009-11-21T04:28:00.000-08:00

Rawesome website!!!!! The Farmer's Garden is a place where people can post free classifieds to sell, trade or give away their surplus backyard garden produce.

Launched in May 2009, this website is nationwide and ever growing. I think it is a great resource for members of our community. It is very easy to grow more produce than you and your family can use. Why not share your local, fresh and delicious vegetables, fruit, berries, etc. with others too?

Registration is free and required to post classifieds to buy, sell or trade surplus produce. Individuals and non-profit organizations can also post wanted classifieds. Registration is not required to search the classifieds.

So, enjoy - and pay it forward!!

Thankfulness and Payng it Forward!!

2009-11-14T05:43:00.000-08:00

LOADS of changes and blessings since my last post...

My Dad got better and even drove out to TN from TX to see me last month! This is HUGE - when I still lived in TX he always expected me to make the then 2 hour trip - now it's 15 and he came HERE!

I'm back in school to finish my bachelor's degree and LOVING it! My major is English and my minor is in Appalachian Studies. Next will be grad studies for a major in Storytelling!! I also plan on doing add-ons in ESL and French. I'm dreaming of a PhD in Folklore/Folk-life someday. In the meantime, I'm getting involved with the local storyteller's guild and also with the Tennessee Folklore Society. LOVING LIFE!!

Now, for the paying it forward part - I want to hear from my fellow rawbies - what good turn have you done lately? I wrote FRUGAL RAW two years ago to help those new to raw on a tight budget and have helped hundreds.

Now I want to gift one e-copy of my book per month to the best good turn I hear about! That's right - a free copy of FRUGAL RAW to the best good turn of the month!!

Send me your stories for consideration to frugalraw@yahoo.com and the winning entry each month will be added to my website.

November's deadline will be the 22nd, so get writing!!!!

I'm going for it!

2009-07-29T16:56:00.000-07:00

Not too long ago, I discovered the TEACH grant. I'll say it again - for those of you interested in becoming teachers, LOOK INTO IT. There are grants available on the Bachelor's and also on the Master's levels. You may well find that cast away dreams can come true...check out the high need fields:

1) Bilingual Education and English Language Acquisition.
2) Foreign Language.
3) Mathematics.
4) Reading Specialist.
5) Science.
6) Special Education.
7) Other identified teacher shortage areas as of the time you begin teaching in that field. These are teacher subject shortage areas (not geographic areas) that are listed in the Department of Educations Annual Teacher Shortage Area Nationwide Listing. To access the listing, please go to this website.

Today I spent a lot of time on the phone - calling the folks at ed.gov, calling the school I plan on attending (at least for now - hoping to move north next year some time), and calling my lenders and prior schools for transcript requests. Keep your fingers crossed for me - my transcripts have to be post-marked by 8/15, and I am working on getting my loans into forbearance until I can get them deferred, while at the same time, I am working through the financial aid verification process and hoping nothing collides!! Patience. I'm hoping for August but will be happy for January.

Why am I starting this now? Because I refuse to put life off anymore. Anything worth going for in life should be fully embraced and held onto for all of its worth. For me, this is worth everything. I've decided to go for foreign languages. It's funny - but a few of the critical need languages are Russian, Chinese, and Japanese!!#@!@#@!!! WOW!!! When I was in high school we only had French, Spanish, and if we were lucky, German and maybe Latin to choose from. Times change! The school I am working my way into offers German, Spanish or French, teaching grades 7-12, with the ability to minor in Japanese or Chinese. I'm going for French. It's a beautiful language and part of my heritage. I believe that I can also use it later in life should certain outreach opportunities arise in the Caribbean. Take Haiti for instance - with only a 54% literacy rate...I wrench inside everytime I think about it. Granted, their language is Kreyol - but it is my understanding that the language is similar and something one can easily pick up if French is already fluent.

I'd thought about Special Ed. Sadly, the way I've heard that the bureaucrats tie teacher's hands has dissuaded me. Nowadawys, they pretty much only allow for glorified forms of babysitting. No one is allowed to actually reaching those kids, and I don't think I could emotionally tolerate the frustration of not being able to make a difference.

There's no looking back for me now - eyes are straight ahead and I am making this happen!

R.I.P. Wormwood

2009-05-20T16:17:00.000-07:00

We laid our precious baby kitty to rest today. It was a total blind-side. I took him to his vet to have him neutered and he died coming out of the anesthesia. He was only 6 months old. He had two cardiac arrests. They brought him back once. They said in 15 years it has only happened 3 times. They said he most likely had an undetected heart condition.

He was growing into an amazing cat - he gave kisses - sometimes without being asked; he played hard and loved sweetly. He would cuddle for hours, and then become an unstoppable ball of energy.

Everything feels upside-down. I keep looking for him in all of his favorite places and then I realize I'll never see him in the flesh again. My hubster and I are big sob buckets right now. Precious Wormwood - you are dearly missed and forever remembered.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!

2009-03-23T15:07:00.001-07:00

My colleague Susan Schenck is offering a great package with the purchase of her award-winning book. This encyclopedic book of 660 pages is the most comprehensive guide to the raw food and Natural Hygiene movements.

It includes 10 reasons to stop cooking, inspirational testimonials, over 60 scientific studies that prove the superiority of a raw diet, the history of the raw food diet, a chapter on fasting, a chapter on getting kids to eat raw, how to transition, and 120 recipes. It warns you against potential pitfalls on your journey toward super health, and discusses frequently asked questions.

The first edition of The Live Food Factor, The Comprehensive Guide to the Ultimate Diet for Body, Mind, Spirit & Planet won the IPPY Award of “Most Progressive Health Book of the Year” (2007) and the newly released second edition, with Victoria BidWell, won a Reader Views Award (2009).

This book has earned the reputation as the “raw foods bible” or encyclopedia.

Susan & Victoria are being joined by dozens of health and self-improvement

experts to bring you a very exciting package of over 70 valuable bonus gifts with the purchase of one copy of The Live Food Factor.

CLICK HERE for details!

“This book is encyclopedic in scope and should be in the possession of all doctors, nutritionists and lay people. It's full of excellent information which can be valuable for all persons interested in vibrant health and a meaningful life.”---Dr. Stanley Bass, ND, DC, PhC, PhD, DO , DSc, DD

“The best book on alternative health!” ---Dr. Vivian Vetrano, DC, hMD, PhD, DSci

"This 620-page tome, arguably the most comprehensive book ever written on the raw diet and lifestyle, is surely destined to become a classic."---Get Fresh Magazine (of England)

BUY IT NOW and you will get dozens of bonus gifts and dis.count coupons, worth over a thousand dollars: ebooks, teleseminars, and recipes by noted raw foodists such as Victoria Boutenko, David Klein, Dr.Tosca Haag, Angela Stokes, Matt Monarch, Bryan Au, ---as well as many exciting gifts for self improvement.

The Live Food Factor

2009-03-07T09:43:00.001-08:00

When I wrote FRUGAL RAW!, I did so for people who have already done their homework and not only know the benefits of going raw, but also have made their decision and want or need to do so economically. I have read a number of books and ebooks on how and why to go raw, and I have my favorites.

Now I have an affiliation with a fellow author - Susan Schenk! She purchased my book a couple of months ago, and loved it, btw! She is the author of "The Live Food Factor" - The Comprehensive Guide to the Ultimate Diet for Body, Mind, Spirit & Planet. This 660-page book is split into four sections: one is an overview of going raw’s benefits; two showcases the scientific reasons for going raw; three highlights the raw movement’s history and its leadership; and four is a complete how-to manual. The book was awarded “Most Progressive Health Book of the Year” from the 2006 Independent Publisher Book Awards Outstanding Books of the Year.

Who is Susan Schenk?

Susan Schenck is a Licenced Acupuncturist, with a masters in traditional Oriental medicine from Pacific College of Oriental Medicine. She also has a master’s degree in applied linguistics and bachelor’s in education from Indiana University. Susan has taught all levels of education, from preschool to university.
Her world travels inspired Susan to find the ideal diet that could feed the planet. Having tried dozens of diets of herself, and always in search of peak health, her search was over when she discovered the simple secret of not cooking. Author of The Live Food Factor, Susan currently promotes the raw food diet through lectures, workshops and coaching.

In conjuction with the purchase of Susans's book, there is a special offer in the works that will be sent out later this month for those who purchase her book through the link I have listed above...over 60 free bonus gifts!!

Check out the reviews by our peers!

REVIEWS:

The Live Food Factor is the very best book on alternative health care ever done. It contains more research on the benefits of raw foods as well as the dangers of cooked foods ever amassed in one place. Dr. Vivian V. Vetrano, DC, hMD, PhD, DSci --Foreword, The Live Food Factor

The Live Food Factor is destined to become a classic. This book represents the most comprehensive study of the raw food diet and the raw food movement ever put on paper. When I received the manuscript, I simply couldn't put it down and read the book in two days. In my classes, people have asked me over the years, "Where is the scientific research backing up the raw food diet?" I'm thrilled that now we have The Live Food Factor, which contains data that is thoroughly backed up with a list of over 60 scientific studies. I am a raw food teacher, writer, and researcher myself. I have taught hundreds of workshops about this subject for many years, and I have learned a great deal from Susan Schenck's book. I highly recommend this book to all readers interested in improving their health. --Victoria Boutenko, raw food author and educator

"The Live Food Factor is the most comprehensive book ever written
about the raw food diet. Anyone interested in health should own a
copy. It is just what the raw world needed."
—Paul Nison, author, The Raw Life and Raw Knowledge; also a raw food chef (www.paulnison.com, www.rawlife.com)

“…The most impressive and convincing book on the subject I’ve ever seen….It will be the new classic of the raw food movement.”
—Joe Alexander, author, Blatant Raw Food Propaganda

“This book is impeccably researched. Susan's fact finding is uncompromising and nothing short of encyclopedic. Her book is a primer for raw food neophytes. While everyone is talking about preparing for retirement, she hones in what really matters: ‘The best retirement plan is to be so healthy that you never need to retire.’ ” —Tonya Zavasta, author of Your Right to Be Beautiful, Beautiful On Raw and Quantum Eating

“Susan's book is one of the most thoroughly researched books on nutrition. This book is easy to read, very informative, and will surely get you thinking about the warped societal norms with our food industry and so-called "healthcare" industry today.”
— Dr. Jeannette Vos, co-author of The Learning Revolution 2.0

“It is so intelligent, well organized and comprehensive…It is the best compendium we’ve seen on alive food.”
—Jesse Schwartz, president of Living Tree Community

“This is the most extensive, inspiring and useful resource on the raw food diet you will ever read. It is loaded with tips, tools, tricks and advice that will change your thinking and your health forever.”
—Frederic Patenaude, author, The Raw Secrets and Instant Raw Sensations

" No longer will folks have to buy 15 books to begin the process. I wish I had this during the beginning of my journey."
—Dana Pettaway, raw food chef

“Schenck is an advocate, but her points are clear and convincing.”
—Kirkus Discovery Review

"The Live Food Factor by Susan Schenck is by far the most complete raw food book available on the market today. Susan has compiled a multitude of vital information from 50 scientific studies which clearly show the advantages of a raw food diet vs. the typical, hazardous cooked food diet. She also includes a “how to” section that has various strategies for transitioning to the raw food diet, valuable information on detoxification, how to travel and socialize on raw and living foods and much more!"
—Alex Malinsky of rawguru.com and rawfoodchat.com

Kickin' It Up...to have a baby:)

2009-03-04T16:43:00.000-08:00

My husband and I have wanted to have children together since we got together in 2001. Sadly, we have not been successful in this endeavor and it's tearing us both up. He's as of recently declined into a depression and I am fighting to stay afloat. We had my tubal reversal done in 2003, from which we have had one miscarriage in July 2004. It's now 2009 - almost 5 years since then and nothing. One big part of the problem is that we were told that my tubes are pretty much shot. I'll be 43 in April, and I've been doing some internet research tonight to see how we can still hold onto any hope...and once again, my Guides have shown me a chance and a silver lining.

I keep having little clues that New Jersey is somehow in my future. I learned tonight that while at my age with my own eggs, we only have about a 6% chance of a viable pregnancy and a live birth - with donor eggs, we have the same chance as the age of the donor! The in vitro process would involve a petrie-dish fertilization between Jaysen's sperm and the donor eggs - but the child(ren) would grow in me - and we'd share and love in that pregnancy together. Where does New Jersey come into all of this? One of the most successful fertility/donor clinics is there. Another thing I learned is that New Jersey is a fertility insurance mandated state - for a max of 4 tries, and then there are payment plans.

What does all of this mean in the grand scheme? It means I'm going from transitioning back to high raw to 100% raw and getting myself back in shape and staying there. I've put back on a few pounds this past year and eaten many things I shouldn;t and would not normally have due to high stress and no time - but those tables have all turned for the better for me. I can't wait for him to come home tonight so I can tell him what I've learned and what I have planned.

Now, admittedly, I am still not ruling out a natural pregnancy once I have my weight down to the ideal for a while - but my goal is to make that journey to New Jersey before I turn 45 if we still have not given birth. Last year when I was doing my cleanse, scar tissue was healing. It may well be that between dropping the pounds and healing tissues, we may well finally have that success we have been so aching for.

Ultimately, we may have to relo to make this all happen, and if that turns out to be the case, so be it. I love my farm house, but I'd live in a cardboard shack if it meant finally making this dream come true. Jaysen may have to take a job elsewhere in the meantime, and we may have to have some commuting time - but I finally really feel that we're going to make it!

Send all thinks positive Rawbies - this means more to us than anything!

Meet Wormwood!

2009-03-03T05:16:00.000-08:00

Sunday's visit from my friend included a trip to the local animal shelter, and this little guy clawed his way into both of our heart strings! He couldn't decide who he wanted to have cuddle him more and continually passed himself back and forth between us, as if he wanted to have two mommies. I didn't bring him home that night - decisions as big as adding a new family member to the house, Jaysen and I include each other in. I thought about the little guy from 5 o'clock until around 9 pm, and by the time he got home from work I was ready to beg for him.

Jaysen gave in to me very quickly, and we raced to the shelter for their noon opening time on Monday. There he was - just waking up from a nap and waiting for us to bring him home! Jaysen had the same reaction Opal and I did to him - complete meltiness leading to utter must-have-the-kitty abandon. Wormwood is an adorable little terror, and was almost dubbed "Ivan the Terrible" for his wiley ways!

We took him to PetsMart to pick out some toys and new collar. He chose 3 frugally priced catnip mice. I also found a hooded catbed for him that was on sale. Jaysen was still bouncing name ideas around in his head at this point. We came very close to going with Absynthe and bought him a neon chartreuse green and silver collar with a bell. We decided tho that Wormwood fit him better than Absynthe - a name for a more laid back, sophist - not a young upstart like Wormwood! Then it was off to Walmart - where Jaysen found even more things for his new little man...a green food dish, kitten chow, treats, and a small nylon corner tower for him to play in.

How are the others taking to him? Well, Blitzer is enthralled - he can't get enough of playfully exchanging chases. Margarita is blissed out to have a new baby in the house - she LOVES playing with cats, and this one being only 4 months old, she has someone she is bigger than to bunny pounce after in high chihuahua fashion. She was smiling ear to ear in-between pants all afternoon yesterday. Ripshin is JEALOUS. I am trying to reassure him that HE is MY kitty-boy, and that Wormwood is for Papa, but he is still quite jealous and I've had to call him down a few times already. Nothing serious - just head locks mainly. Not being a cat person I don't know if the little guy is in any danger or if this is like the pecking order of wolves which I understand all too well.

We're really proud of Wormwood - he doesn't appear to be afraid of anything! He climbs like crazy - has no trouble getting to the food bowls or the litter box - all of which we have to keep on a counter in the utility room because of the dogs. We have some table manners to work though - he thinks whenever someone is eating something he needs to be up in the plate finding out what it is all about and seeing if it's something he wants to eat or something he wants to play with. His curiosity quotient is incredible!

Wormwood seems to like the men in the household - he loves Jaysen and was quite into Bryan last night. I think it's the first time that's happened with a cat for him. He prefers cats to dogs, but previously has only been around aloof cats. Ripshin is very picky about who he socializes with, and prefers me to anyone else in the house. He had a traumatizing beginning and I think it stunted him socially. Wormwood has no such issues - he's the most outgoing cat I've ever met!

Adopting him has opened a door for us I've been looking for since Ripshin was only 6 months old. I'm taking Wormwood to the vet he saw while at the shelter - they already have a file for him, and in speaking with them on the phone they are quite nice folks. He is too young yet to be neutered, so that has to wait until late April. Ripshin, however, has yet to be fixed and will be 2 years old in May. I asked Wormwood's vet what they charge and the usual $100 plus shots was the quote. BUT - they referred me to a low-cost clinic up an hour away that will do the surgery plus the rabies shot for only $43! I am THRILLED! I'm waiting now to hear what the schedule is looking like for April and May - I'd like to have them both done at about the same time to keep the unwanted pouncing at a minimum.

I got very little done yesterday other than refereeing the animals to make sure everyone was getting along okay. Jaysen and I slept in the livingroom so we could keep an ear our for any kitty brawls. Thankfully none occurred.

I have lots to catch up from, so I am off to do it!

Ahhhhhhhhh:)

2009-03-01T06:12:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's been five days since I had any coffee! The really amazing thing about that, is that I don't want it. I'm sitting here sipping a beautiful, clean, refreshing glass of water, and I am at peace!

It's raining out today, and I'm looking forward to a day of focusing on my art. My friend Opal is coming over for a play day. She wants to learn how to use our dremel so she can make runes. When she gets here, I'll make up a tall blender of smoothies - orange, banana, and blueberry. I may also introduce her to raw ice cream later in the day...need to freeze some bananas.

Off to Artland I go! I have lots to do to be ready for the festival on the 14th!!

Ahhhhhhhh...

2009-02-25T14:26:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling much better this afternoon than when I "woke up" this morning. Truth is, I didn't sleep much at all because I did a very stupid thing. I drank w-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-y too much coffee yesterday and into the night. I don't know what I was thinking - if anything!

I'd gotten into a very bad habit of drinking about a pot a day due to the nightmare job. I'd already come to the realization that I wanted to cut it way back if not completely out. I'd been using it to maintain my focus in a very chaotic environment.

So last night, I went out with a friend and after having already had about a pot in the morning, I proceeded to have 2 urns full in the space of only 2 hours.

I've heard you can die of caffiene overload. Now I believe it. My heart was racing all night - or what was left of it, and as I said earlier, I got very little sleep. When I gave up and got up, I felt polluted and something akin to being hung over.

I tried to drink water - small sips were all I could tolerate, but I knew I needed it. I finally felt up to a simple fruit smoothie of oranges and a banana late this afternoon, and added blueberries to the mix this evening. I'm still working on it - what a way to throw yourself into a juice feast...

I was also reminded by Aleesha that I should do some self-healing with my reiki energy. duh! Why is it I seem to forget I have that attunement when it comes to my own personal needs?

Needless to say, I am feeling much better this evening. I'm still sipping my fruit smoothie, but I have also been cleaning our kitchen like a bean si! I live with 3 omnis in the house currently, and they don't seem to understand my need for counterspace or being able to get to my appliances. I get very discouraged having to dig out my vitamix or my food processor from a heaping pile of crap they've left behind. I also get vexed over not having any space on the counter or the table to even place my cutting board, let alone a plate!

I decided to go back to what brought me to the raw lifestyle in the first place...Storm and Jinjee's site, The Garden Diet. I always feel so at peace when I slow down and focus on that. I have a lot of crap to get straightened up after this past year's trials, but I am ready. I am ready to reclaim my home. I am ready to reclaim my serenity.

I long to do simple things - like go for a walk. Unfortunately, the damage to my hip hasn't completely healed, and everytime I think about doing any kind of exercize, it reminds me that it is there. Hopefully soon...

New FRUGAL RAW! Blog!!

2009-02-24T05:41:00.001-08:00

Hi everyone!

I have decided to kick the FRUGAL RAW! lifestyle up a notch by creating a daily blog on just how to live this lifestyle without losing your shirt! Visit me daily as I discuss everyday frugal raw living: FRUGAL RAW! BLOG

I will also still be maintaining this one as my personal blog, but the new one will be for the purpose of education and coaching. So, want to know about my life and all the interworkings? Continue to visit me here at my raw progression:) Want to know how to live this raw vegan life frugally without going insane? Visit the new FRUGAL RAW! BLOG!!!

Now, on to my life as it is - I have begun a series of art nouveau faeries! I woodburned the first one a couple of days ago. She's the Luck Faerie! She's in my online gallery and I took her downtown to Unique Treasures yesterday along with 6 others pieces...a greencat, an greenerarian, knots and oxalis, an Irish greenman made out of clover, a regal greenman, and a dragonflies and clover piece I did. I'm currently working on another faerie - the bramble fae! So much to do and having so much fun doing it! I am now not only getting ready for the St. Pat's day festival on 3/14 in Kingsport, I am also preparing for the local monthly art fest, First Friday - which is only 10 days away! I am also being juried for the art guild on the 16th...WOW! All this and FRUGAL RAW! happenings too!! SWEET!

Life is RAWESOME!!!!!

Happy Birthday!!!

2009-02-22T05:38:00.000-08:00

To my ebook, FRUGAL RAW! I can't believe it has already been ONE year!! (and it's been a good one too - ebook #200 sold last night!) It now and here on out is available for only $14.

From the ebook came my hardcopy through Amazon in September, which I did due to the multitude of requests for such. To date, it has already sold 86 copies!!! It is a beautiful book. I gave my proof copy to my youngest son who demanded the first printed copy as his own...what better way to insure that than to give him that one? LOL!

New opportunities arise even still - in the Spring, a woman in Canada will begin working on a French Canadian translation of FRUGAL RAW! I am very excited about this!

Also, this week I'll be joining in on Susan Schenk's raw food affiliate campaign! She emailed and invited me over the weekend, and I graciously accepted her offer - more to come on that, but I look very forward to working with her. She is the author of The Live Food Factor — The Comprehensive Guide to the Ultimate Diet for Body, Mind, Spirit & Planet, an award-winning book, with Victoria Bidwell. She gave my hardcopy a glowing review on Amazon, and she not only appreciates just how little I am making on that version with printing costs and all, she was blown away by the quality and the content.

I guess that's it - my "baby" turned one year old today - Happy Birthday FRUGAL RAW!

I have art venues!!!

2009-02-20T04:46:00.001-08:00

I am indescribably excited to announce that not only will I be vending my art at local and near festivals, I will also be selling my wares through "Unique Treasures" in downtown Johnson City, TN!!!! I will also be there for each month's "First Friday" event (a street fest that focuses on local artists - first friday of every month) set up with a table of even more of my work, and on occasion...I'm thinking Mondays...you may just find me there in a corner, woodburner and paints in hand:)

I used to do this years ago and loved it - I'd take my paints and projects into shops where I had my creations and sit in a corner working away into the night. I had so very much traffic and interest in just "what I was doing!" I can't wait to get back to this!!!

If you're in the area, stop on by at "Unique Treasures," 232 East Main Street
Johnson City, Tennessee.

Also coming up, is the St. Patrick's Day festival in Kingsport, TN at the Rennaissance Center! I have been working on a number of St. Pat's Day pieces, and have new requests for more...better get to it!!

Getting Caught!

2009-02-17T04:49:00.000-08:00

My last day at the nightmare job was Sunday. Before work, because I was taking a leap of faith; I lit a candle and asked to be sure to be caught...

Lunchtime rolled around, and my friend Opal took me out. I had a lovely salad, and we talked more about my leaving the job, and she kept saying it wasn't too late for me to change my mind. I told her that I had to do this. I'd promised a leap of faith and I was doing it...and that's when it happened...on the way out of the restaurant, I got caught!

As we were going out, the vendor coordinator for the local Celtic Festivals was coming in! My friend knows her and so we all stopped to chat - and in the process, I was asked to set up a vendor table with my Celtic knot woodburning at the upcoming St. Patrick's Day festival!! Site unseen, unjuried - I'm IN thank's to Opal's glowing recommendation!

I spent my first day as a fulltime Artist working on some greenmen...I got two completely sketched and burned in. Today I'll be working on knotwork with blooming oxalis! I have a huge pile of wooden things to work on and am creating like crazy to ensure that I have plenty to offer at the festival!

The next day, I was speaking to my friend Kelly, who does more jewelry than anything else and she was talking about doing a show up in Nashville at the end of May. That's our next focus, but we're hoping to find a nearby show we can still get into for April. Some of the ones we want to do this year and either out of our price range or we've all already missed the deadline...we are not daunted by this tho - I know we'll find what we are looking for! We hope to do a show per month:)

The Northeast Tennessee Artisan's Guild (NETA) has rescheduled the juried meeting again - with any luck I'll be presenting my art for their approval and acceptance on March 16th...and will be allowed to sell my work through the Jonesborough visitor's center! This is actually a wonderful time for that meeting - my youngest son will be visiting and he'll be sharing in that process with me! He arrives the day of the St. Pat's festival, so I have promised him that when I pick him up, we'll be getting his visit off to a bang by heading straight for the festival and ceilidh!

I'll be putting the new things into my online shop as I complete them until the festival...if you wish to see, check back often at The Bramble Wood.

Watch those peppers and onions!!!!

2009-02-14T17:26:00.000-08:00

WOW!!!!! I just went into the kitchen to put together some flax crackers. At first I was thinking...onion/jalapeno...then I got sassy! CURRY...so in went two jalapenos, in went 2 hot onions...then the spices - extra hot Indian chili powder (my sons call it happy fun powder), in went the tumeric, black pepper, salt, ginger and cumin!!! OMG!!! I could barely BREATHE as I was spreading it on the teflexx sheets! AND the TEARS!!!! We can't forget the tears!!!!!!! WOW!!!

...I can't wait until they're done dehydrating:)

FRUGAL RAW! wear!!!!!

2009-02-12T03:57:00.000-08:00

In commemoration of FRUGAL RAW!s birthday, I have made available products sporting your choice of the cover of my ebook, the hard copy cover, and also "Raw Birth."

Check it out at...

FRUGAL RAW wear & gear

My BIG Announcement!

2009-02-11T06:03:00.000-08:00

Last week, I'd mentioned that I had a lot of changes happening in my life right now. I'm taking a leap of faith - and it's huge...

I'm quitting my nightmare job. My last day there is Sunday 2/15!!! Jaysen already has left there and is juggling work between Walmart and Papa John's - we were both at a horrendous call center working desk jobs to allow our bodies to heal and to try to get ahead...but it is such a miserable, toxic place we have decided to tighten our belts and take a plunge or several.

We have our own new age online store that we are building and it is coming together nicely! So far we have lots of bagpipes, harps, flutes, whistles, psaltery, bodhrans, cauldrons of all sizes, crystals, runes, books, and lots of art! I'm using this as an artist collective and have invited others to join in as well - waiting on their wares currently.

I'm also looking to do freelance work from home - I just know the right projects will start happening soon:) I also have my own little projects up my sleeve and will have to do some fast turnarounds on books that have been waiting in the wings for months.

Speaking of books - FRUGAL RAW! turns one year old this month!!!! In celebration and commemoration, I have decided to do a price reset on the ebook, and make it affordable for everyone as it was when it first went live:) I've been told to price it higher, but I just prefer not to given the success I have had with it this past year. I have also started a yahoo group for FRUGAL RAW! living which can be found here.

I've only had 2 bad apple buyers, and the rest have been glowing transactions. If you have bought my book (especially from Amazon in hard copy) I'd love and welcome your reviews there! I've received 3 and one was in more opinions than mine out of line. That one came from a woman who lives in the US and owns a non-raw resort in Mexico - and her main complaint was the $28 price...like she's hurting for money???

I want everyone to know that I priced the hard copy as low as I could - the publishing fees are huge due to all of the color photos in it - I only see a little over $4 a book on those...and yet she's tried to ruin me with a scathing review that touts Alissa Cohen...friends perhaps? I guess some folks are miserable no matter what they have in life and just want to hurt everyone else.

On a much happier note - I have been contacted by a gal up in Canada who I have agreed to collaborate with to produce a French Canadian version of FRUGAL RAW! She is planning on beginning work on it in the Spring - more on that as it comes to fruition!!

Next Monday night, I have been invited to a local Artist's Guild meeting to have my work juried and if accepted into the Guild, I will be allowed to sell my art through the Jonesborough visitor's center!!!! I am SO thrilled about this opportunity!!! I've been quite the busy girl as of late - if you haven't checked out my gallery in a while, you can find it here.

Today I am home working on a special order that has to be delivered by Friday...off to it!!

Soon to come!!!

2009-02-02T04:36:00.000-08:00

I have a big announcement - okay, a few;) I just wanted to pop in and say to everyone out there that I am alive and will have a lot to talk about very shortly here:) Stay tuned!

Apparently I've been very good!

2008-12-28T07:36:00.000-08:00

Santa brought me something wonderful this year and I just had to hop on here and brag!!!! Just as my old el-cheapo woodburner was going out, I was gifted with a new, top-o-the-line professional woodburning kit!!!! I'm SO thrilled!!!!! The possibilities are endless what I'll be able to do with my art now:) I plan on looking into classes at our local wood crafting shops to learn more about what can be done with the plethora of tips available for this model:)

There also seems to be a bit of an energy shift welling up these days. Suddenly I am seeing numerous tools being laid at my feet to get me back to being a full time entrepreneur. We also know that while we love our home here, it isn't forever - we're being pulled to the East...I just don't know for sure where....Richmond, Maryland, or New Jersey. That's a year or two down the road tho - it doesn't feel like anything for the near future. My Aunt still pines for Richmond, and that is the most likely of the three right now. I'd love to be able to make that happen for her AND be near by.

Well, time for me to get ready for work (again)...I owe, I owe - it's off to desk-job-hell I go...

I so miss...

2008-12-16T19:41:00.000-08:00

my simple country vegan life. I was happy as a cna but in a world of pain...and now in a desk job, I am miserable and longing for my stay-at-home crafty, creative, active life. We're working incredible amounts of hours, Jaysen and I. It's comforting to know we're in this together, tho. This is seed money we're sowing...seed money to fuel our dreams.

We're having a lovely holiday season despite the long hours. We have a beautiful tree, stockings are hung, and a couple of nights ago, we all spent the evening building a gingerbread house and train!

Boxes of gifts from Santa were shipped to Texas yesterday and a deep, happy, sigh of relief did come:)

I hope you all are having a happy holiday season!

2008-11-22T15:57:00.000-08:00

In celebration of all of the wonderful experiences of this past year, I am offering a special, limited time offer on my ebook - now through Thanksgiving night at 10 pm, I am making my e-book available at a huge savings!!!

Buy it now for only $13.81 through my FRUGAL RAW website!!!

Happy Holidays Everyone!!!!

Slowly but Surely...

2008-11-17T17:55:00.000-08:00

It's been just over 2 weeks since I went back to a desk job, and I am beginning to notice some improvement...along with some very obvious abductions. It's mostly my left leg giving me fits at the moment. My right seems to be improving, but my left one is noticeably abducted, causing a bit of a twist to my knee area and aggravating the pain issue accordingly. Sadly, this is also causing my lower back some troubles as well.

The good news - it hasn't been hurting as much (from screaming pain to dull aches and wincing)the past 2 days. I've been purposefully turning my right leg to a more forward position when I walk to try to ease it back into where it is supposed to be.

The desk job is a piece of cake except for the number of hours I am up there. I've not had a chance to return any phone calls the past 2 weeks, as our schedules have been going in at 9 am and getting off at midnight. These current 2 weeks are promising to not be quite so awful...but after that, who knows.

I'm hoping to have some focus time for book research and development, as well as some art time. Working outside of the house and still doing everything I normally do for the household is leaving me precious little time for anything extracurricular. We'll see.

Doing the right thing...

2008-11-05T05:47:00.000-08:00

isn't always easy. In fact, sometimes it hurts like hell. I have been crying over my decision to leave CNA work since Friday. Yesterday I was in hysterics. This morning, I woke up and realized I really did do the right thing. The right thing by me for my physical well-being, and the right thing for the patients, as I know that it wouldn't have been long before I unintentionally caused harm when my legs/joints gave out from under me. I almost went down with a patient a little over a week ago. I felt horrible. My level of care has suffered recently, and the patients deserve better than I am capable of giving at this time.

I'm still waking up in pain and still having difficulties getting up from a seated position. I'm unsteady when I walk. My only regret is the abruptness with which I wound up dealing with this as far as the hospital is concerned. Yesterday they said they might be willing to put me in a secretarial position, and I am waiting to hear back from them on that. I am surprised that they'd be so gracious towards me. Well see. I explained that I'd need to know the pay rate on it before I could accept, and that I'd have to think about it, being that I would still be in the environment but no longer at the bedside. Still, if it does come through, I'd be in place so that able-bodied PCPs could do the job they were hired for rather than paperwork.

My safety net (a call center inbound job) isn't horrible. It's creepily familiar, tho - dealing with credit card disputes on a bank I worked for from 1992-1996. It will afford me loads of overtime and my hubster works there too. He also has loads of overtime coming his way. So, while it isn't ideal, we're covered and will soon be back in the black and then some!

Obama won last night and this house couldn't be more thrilled! I look forward to his term in office and pray for his safety and for the safety of his family. He is a realist and not afraid to let his thoughts be known...a very admiral man.

New Directions...

2008-11-01T05:38:00.000-07:00

I've had to come to a sad decision this week. It's been 3 months since I began working as a CNA. I love my job...I don't love how my body is reacting to it. I used to walk 3 to 5 miles a day, do 2-3 aerobics sessions in a day, and I have never experienced this level or duration of pain before.

Many nights as of late, when I go to bed, I am in so much pain I am in tears. It's my legs and hips that are the main source of the troubles. I even have difficulties getting myself up onto the front porch when I get home from my shifts. Sadly, I believe it is due to the crippling condition I had at birth, and it's not getting any better - it's intensifying. I've always been frightened of losing my legs - being wheel-chair bound...and I am afraid that I am headed there.

It varies from feeling like my shins have been beaten with a cane, to odd cramping, to joint pain and instability in my hips and knees. My feet ache - especially the right one. I also often wake up in the night due to the pain. That's another one of the asides in this. At the end of my hospital shifts, I spend my days off recovering. There's nothing left...nothing for reiki, nothing for massage...just intense pain and immobility until my next shift. Times when I don't have enough recovery time off, I dread going in because I know I'll be hurting even more.

This week too, I have begun having some sort of reaction to the gloves, handwashing, and alcohol scrub I use between patients. The backs of my hands look as though they have chemical burns and are at this point mildly inflamed. Lotion burns but I am using it anyway...I am told if I do not, that my skin will crack open and bleed very soon.

So, it is with a heavy heart that I am leaving the hospital and going back to a desk job. I am not giving up entirely on healing, however. I still intend to have a holistic practice someday.

The new job, well, is just a job, but it will provide much better for us financially and will aide Jaysen and I in our desired pursuits. I'll be working at the same place he does now, which will hopefully make it more tolerable for both of us.

Musings...

2008-10-23T16:03:00.000-07:00

With every passing day, I am coming more into me - who I am, where I've come from and where I'm headed. I'm looking at myself in the mirror and in my pics these days and I am LIKING what I am seeing...every time. I noticed this evening that my hair is finally beginning to show that it is getting longer. It takes longer with curly hair. For every 3 inches of growth I get, I only see about an inch until it starts getting heavy enough to hold itself down. I look at my face and I see that I am beautiful now, and I don't cringe when people tell me that I am. So much evolution in such a short time. It's been - good. Every bit of it.

As I move forward on my new projects, I am once again filled with excitement and happy anticipation for what is to come and what I will discover and create. I'm juggling a lot - my CNA work at the hospital, my art, my writing, my kitchen creativity, my spirituality, and my family & friends. Interesting thing about friends...

As children, we make friends and it's easy, really. We see them everyday - either because they're from our neighborhood or from school. We think we'll stay in touch and be friends forever - but that, I have found, is rare...even up through our college experiences.

As adults, we have to work at it - and I am rediscovering what that is all about after so many years with my nose glued in books trying so hard to make something of myself. I have online friends, and I am suddenly finding friends and collectives here in my town. I also have family I enjoy spending time with. I'm getting better at it - juggling everything - and the more adept I get with doing so, the more I find I am enjoying life...

RAW in the MAINSTREAM!!

2008-10-14T12:34:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note to say WOOO!HOOOOO!!! about Angela Stoke's CNN interview!! Check it out here. We need all the mainstream boosting we can get - and have you noticed lately? It's HAPPENING!!

Since my podcast interview I have been contacted again for another! Word travels fast about FRUGAL RAW! I con't wait to see what the future brings!

If it grows here...

2008-10-04T12:51:00.001-07:00

I'll eat it! I recently experienced my first "real" local apple!! It was incredible - juicy even!!! It has inspired me to move forward with my newest project - eating locally and showing how it CAN be done! Look forward to a new book on the horizon!!!!

Wow!! My BlogTalkRadio Interview

2008-10-02T17:32:00.000-07:00

went wonderfully! Tanisha Marshall was kind enough to ask me to be her guest on her new live internet radio show tonight, and while I was nervous (never having been interviewed before), there was no need. Tanisha was a fine hostess and I was well at ease as we discussed FRUGAL RAW! and just how to make this lifestyle a lovestyle without losing your shirt:) Check it out on Tanisha's Keeping It Real Radio show!

...I'm off to play in things salad-y!

Reiki I Attunement Weekend

2008-09-27T08:44:00.000-07:00

Jaysen and I began our attunements last night with a traditional master only 4 steps from Master Usui. She is a beautiful soul and we are much blessed for this experience and enlightenment.

Last night I could already feel and use the energy welling within me. The past 2 nights I'd had to take ibuprofen just to get to sleep due to the pain I've been having so often these days. Last night, I didn't. I practiced reiki until I drifted off to sleep, and when I did wake up in the night, my hands were positively radiating:)

Today I am full of energy and wanting to keep myself as pure as possible. I had a huge bowl raw ice cream for breakfast - and no desire for coffee. I'm getting thirsty, tho - it's almost noon and I have drank nothing. I've been cleaning house instead! I still have some things to do and will go pick from the garden. I may make something out of what I find. I know there should be eggplants, peppers, and some tomatoes out there:) I have yet to find something tasty to do raw with eggplants. They were my Aunt's idea to plant...who knows?

I've been pondering something for a while now, and I am really wanting to do this - these beautiful mountains where I make my home are SO healing - I can't help but believe that EVERYTHING I could possibly ever need could be grown here. I want to see just how successfully I can feed myself on local foods only. I pulled up quite a list the other day on the Tennessee Agriculture site. MOST of it CAN be eaten raw. The trick will be in the finding - especially in the Winter months. The tailgate markets will end in October. SO what I will be doing first, is focusing my buying power on what can be bought locally, and what can't (for now) will be bought commercially until I can find a local source. That means no tropical fruits, no citrus, no cocoa, no coffee - zilch! That means vit. c will come from peppers, tomatoes, and rosehip tea. Fats will come from local nuts - walnuts, pecans, sunny seeds...

Now...what else DO I get to have? So far I have this list for the growing seasons here in Tennessee to go by:

Produce Availability Date:

Apples June 15 – Dec. 1
Asparagus April 20 – May 30
Autumn Olive August – Sept.
Bok Choy Oct. 1 – Nov. 15
Beets July 1 – July 30
Bell Pepper July 7 – Oct. 10
Blackberries June 7 – Oct. 10
Blueberries June 21 – Aug. 21
Boysenberries June 21 – Aug. 21
Broccoli May 10 – June 10 & Oct. 1 – Nov. 15
Cabbage May 7 – Nov. 15
Cantaloupe June 25 – Sept. 10
Cauliflower May 10 – June 10
Chinese Cabbage Oct. 1 – Nov. 15
Cherries June 15 – July 31
Carrots May 1 – July 1
Cherry Tomatoes June 15 – Oct. 15
Collards April 1 – June 1
Cucumbers June 15 – Sept. 30
Dried Apples Aug. 1 – Dec. 1
Elephant Garlic June 15 – Aug. 31
Eggplant July 10 – Sept. 30
English Peas July 1 – Oct. 15
Field Peas July 1- Oct 15
Garlic June 15 – Aug. 31
Gooseberries June 15 – July 31
Gourds Year-round
Grapes July 25 – Sept. 15
Greens Apr 15 – Jun 21 & Sep 21 – Nov 20
Herbs Year-round
Honey Year-round
Hot Peppers July 1 – Oct 31
Indian Corn Year-round
Irish Potatoes July 1 - Oct 1
Kale May 1 – Jun 21 & Sep 25 – Nov 20
Leeks June 1 – July 31
Lettuce May 1 – June 21
Limas July 10 – Oct 15
Muscadine Grapes July 25 – Sept 15
Mushrooms Year-round (depending on type)
Mustard May 1 – June & Sept 21 – Nov. 20
Nectarines July 1 – July 20
October Beans July 15 – Oct. 15
Okra July 15 – Oct. 10
Onions May – Aug. 31
Peaches June 1 – Sept. 15
Pears Sept. 1 – Oct. 10
Pecans Oct. 1 – Dec. 31
Pimento Peppers July 7 – Oct. 10
Plums July 1 - July 31
Polebeans June 20 – Sept. 20
Popcorn Oct. 1 – Nov. 31
Pumpkins Sept. 15 – Oct. 31
Raspberries May 20 – Oct. 10
Rhubarb May 1 – June 30
Grapes July 25 – Sept. 15
Shelly Beans June 10 – Oct. 1
Snapbeans June 10 – Oct. 1
Sorghum Syrup Oct. 1 – March 31
Snow Peas May 1 – June 10
Spinach May 1 – June 21
Sugar Peas July 15 – Sept. 15
Sweet Potatoes Aug. 21 – March 31
Squash June 1 – Oct. 31
Strawberries May 1 – June 10
Sweet Corn June 25 – Sept. 25
Tomatoes June 15 – Oct. 15
Turnips Sept. 10 – Nov. 20
Watermelons Sept. 10 – Nov. 20
Wax Beans June 20 – Sept. 20

now that's ALOT more than I thought I'd be able to have! Think too about the sprouts I can do with the seeds for some of those! WOWZERS!! Do you see all of the raw potential there???? Wouldn't it be grand to experience our produce straight from the beautiful soil from which it grows and in its peak of season? Think about that for a minute. Only consuming fresh fruits and veggies when they are in their peak - looking forward to it - longing for blackberry season rather than buying and consuming commerically grown, depleted plant foods. I think as a society we've lost that elegance and replaced it with entitlement...so sad.

I feel a sequel to FRUGAL RAW! coming on...what could be more frugal than living this green?

The "Give a Damn" Factor...

2008-09-22T05:31:00.000-07:00

I have a well-developed "Give A Damn." I don't ever want to lose it because it makes such a difference in people's lives and in interrelationships. It's been allowing me to notice something incredible at the hospital. Patients who are now coming back from having been trached, on the vent and sedated - well, they not only know me - they remember as being the ONE caregiver they trust. I find this phenominal, as I am only currently there 3 days a week, and am probably the worst lip-reader on staff...at least that's the way I feel sometimes.

Yesterday, I got to hear a sweet little woman's voice for the very first time. That's always such a magical treat for me - to hear their voices for the first time. I told her she'd made my day seeing how much better she's doing. She was still trached when last I'd seen her.

Well, when she saw my smiling face come around the corner to her room, she was thrilled to see me! She asked if I was working the floor and was elated that I was. She then told her family throughout the day how happy she was that I was there to see to her, and how she wished it could be everyday.

She'd been feeling low about her condition and the multitude of medical issues she'd had in life. She was having a bit of the "Why Me?"s. I decided to stay and chat with her for a while. She wanted to know why has she been through so much and yet is still around. I told her that she's not done yet. That she is touching lives and making a difference in her own ways or she wouldn't still be here. I also shared with her some stories about making one's mind up about getting better (or not) and also about how sometimes an illness can be a blessing in disguise. My daughter is an example of that. She had appendicitis a couple of years ago, and a carcinoid malignancy was revealed post-appendectomy. The treatment is the removal of the appendix, and no chemo or radiation is required. Had it not been discovered, it could have spread to her colon, resulting in the loss of part of her colon, or worse, it could have metasticized throughout her lymph and resulted in a much lower quality of life and less years in the process. Instead, she was blessed and spared. My patient was amazed by this and said she needs to start looking at things a little differently. She wants to make a difference in other people's lives like I do - and said she would like to someday come up and volunteer.

One of her sisters asked me if I plan on going on to Nursing school. I told her I was thinking about it. As of late I've seen nurses who are not only cold-hearted, they truly don't care and got into the profession just for the money. One I know of really hurt a man's feelings with the way she treated him. This instilled a fear in me that becoming that way was part and parcel of going through the evolution of Nursing school. When my patient heard that I was waivering, she bowed her head and said that it would be a terrible loss if I didn't become a Nurse.

There are more - one is an elderly man who seems to only get restful sleep when I am in his room, holding his hand. He also has told me that I'll be fine, and that I would never become like them...he says I am too sweet.

Another is a sadly non-compliant young man who has that "I'm invincible" mentality going on. Yesterday he saw my well-developed "Give A Damn" in action over him, and he seemed to be taking my worry over his condition to heart. I hope it brings about a positive change in him too. Time will tell - he'll be the first one I ask about when I report back to work in a few days.

FRUGAL IS NOW IN PRINT!!!!!!!

2008-09-17T08:43:00.000-07:00

I just received my proof and it's AWESOME!!!!!!!! I'm so thrilled!!!!!!!

My new Art Shop!

2008-09-11T15:22:00.000-07:00

So...I've decided that eBay is just WAY too expensive for what you get - so I've moved my stuff over to etsy! Check it all out at LapisRose's Art Shop:)

I've also started up a blogsite Mattye Lee's Art to show not only what's for sale but also what has found happy homes:) Enjoy my new sites!

Thank the GODDESS for Blogspot!!

2008-09-11T05:53:00.001-07:00

Hi everyone! Looks like I'll be really focusing on this blog from here on out. My RFT blog (previously the largest one on thier list) got eaten in an unannounced conversion they did this week, and the only way to salvage it(they say) would be for me to copy and paste the entire thing, one entry at a time. NOT HAPPENING!!!

In other news, I am on fire about FRUGAL RAW! I'm impatiently waiting to hear back from the publisher about going hard copy. For those of you who don't know yet, I finally was able to finish the chapters I'd wanted to add - one on my annual cleanse which includes a diary of that experience, and also a sprouting/soaking tips and chart section. I've updated the ebook and am now selling the revised edition ($20) on my website, as well as offering the additional chapters ($2.50 ea) to those who already own FRUGAL RAW! as the ebook.

I put some of my art up on eBay (auctions end today) and stupidly didn't think to let anyone know. The auctions end tonight and if nothing sells, I'll have to look and see if it's worth relisting or figure something else out. I SO miss the days of having my art in brick and mortar shops! I'm currently working on a mixed media piece on a large wooden plate themed as faerie cats! It's quite whimsical! I'll be working on that one and garden tending the next few days.

Still loving my job at the hospital. I've been having to sit with a patient the last couple of days because he has a tendency to try to remove his trach and neck brace. Last night he was begging me not to leave him and I felt awful and angry that the administration still hasn't cleared me for overtime. I'm off now until Monday, and my unit is getting slammed with folks who need heavy and constant observation. We're terribly understaffed...I'm willing to work more hours to see that patients get the care they need and to support the nursing staff and yet until I am taken off of "orienting" status, administration won't let me do anything more than the 36 hours per week they've allotted me.

OH - my hubster lost his job at the manufacturing company, and Papa Legba opened a new door for him the very same day!! (Thank you Papa!) He's now waitering at a family-owned up-and-coming place only about 3 miles up the road. He's loving it and they're great people. Not sure how this is going to work for him and the Nursing track - may have to rethink his path to getting there now.

Because of this unexpected job change, I was worried about not being able to afford to have our Reiki I attunements later this month. We're still hoping for both of us, but I know at least I will be doing so for sure! My RM told me she doesn't care how long it takes me to pay her for it...she sees that I need this. I agree - I've been having some oddities occur with some of the patients, and I can't help but wonder if it's Reiki coming through me even before my attunement...it's happened with the most ill or hurt folks I've dealt with - but when I have touched them, I have felt an energy connection and subsequent surge and coursing from my body beginning at the top of my head, through my hands and into their bodies. In Huna, I believe this is called mana - I just don't know what I did or how I've tapped into it...hopefully it will all make sense at the end of the month.

Movin' and Shakin' and Rawesome Makin'!

2008-09-08T13:15:00.000-07:00

I've been a busy little rawbie today!! I'd had in mind to get up and work on some art, BUT writing and researching was calling me even louder! SO, I FINALLY finished writing and editing my report on cleansing, and ALSO completed my sprouting and soaking tips/chart. Both are now available for only $2.50 each on my website, in addition to the now revised, fully inclusive edition of FRUGAL RAW! for only $20.

Next up? I'm going hard copy!!!! WOOOO-HOO

The amazements just keep happening!

2008-09-03T10:58:00.000-07:00

I love, Love, LOVE my new life as a CNA! It is everything I'd hoped for and so much more still. I'm anxiously awaiting Nursing school and often find myself wishing this had all come to fruition earlier in life for me.

These experiences are nothing short of magickal. From the patient that only I could get through to, to seeing that the head nurse trusts and believes in me, to being on-hand during another patient's death and assisting in his final caregiving - preparing him to be taken to his final resting place. I was taught how and allowed to gently remove the i.v.s, catheter and trach from his body before respectfully laying him in his body bag. This patient had made his mind up the day before, and was adamant to communicate to me to make certain that his wife knew he loves her. I did. I told her on that day when she came in to visit, and also reminded her after his passing just how important it was to him that she KNOW that.

Since I began working as a CNA last month, there have been four deaths in our unit. They were each very extreme cases and with each, I was happy for them that their suffering had finally ended. I got to know quite a lot about a couple of them - one had made her living as an artist before her decline, and her sister brought us copies of prints of her work to share. I will be framing mine and adding them to my ancestors & friends altar. She did mainly animal portraits, and I have pictures of a red macaw and an African grey parrot. Caring for her and learning of her story inspired me to start my own art up again...currently working on a woodburning design of faerie cats!

Then there are the folks who progress and get better - I can honestly say that caring for someone in a coma (chemically induced or otherwise) and then seeing them wake up and come back is nothing short of incredible!! There are few sounds sweeter than that of hearing a person's voice for the first time after they awaken and the trach is removed. The experience is sometimes overwhelming for them - to wake up and realize how many days or months they have been out...and they want to TALK - about EVERYTHING - and I want nothing less than to LET them;)

My hubster and I will be having our Reiki I attunements together at the end of September. Interestingly enough, I already have a sense of sharing my energies with patients when I touch their shoulders, hold their hands, or hold them up. I have to wonder how much more intense this will become and how differently (if at all) it will feel. In any case, I look forward to helping my patients with it.

I PASSED!!! I PASSED!!!!

2008-08-16T11:57:00.000-07:00

I PASSED MY CNA EXAMS!!!!! WOOOOT!!! I'm so excited I am about to BUST!!!! I already sent the notification for my boss to see come Monday morning, asking how soon before I can take the PCP workshops to add the phlebotomy, EKGs and bloos sugar tests to my repertoire:) For now, I am officially a Certified Nurse Assistant!!!

He's HOME!!!

2008-08-07T05:07:00.000-07:00

Wonderfully, wonderfully home!! Jaysen was told on the evening of the 4th that he would be coming home on Tuesday the 5th. He didn't arrive until the 6th due to last minute flight delays. I picked him up at the local airport at 12:25 a.m.

Yesterday we spent running about, he interviewed for a job and got it! He started this morning:) He's now working for a window and door manufacturer that is in walking distance from the hospital I where I work - AND his shifts sync up with mine! We couldn't have asked for better synchronicity on this. He's going to work there while he heals, and eventually, he'll join me in Nursing!

We also went to see Dark Night together in the afternoon and he held my hand so tight through the movie, we were both cramped up by the end of it! LOL!!! It was an incredibly wonderful first day back together:)...

Busy, Busy August! (and loving it!!)

2008-08-04T14:11:00.000-07:00

I just got my schedule at the hospital for the next 3 weeks, as well as my CNA final class and exam date! I thought I'd write it up on my wall calendar here at home so I could keep better track of things. It is all SO exciting! I'm currently orienteering at the hospital in ICU and in acute care - don't know when I'll be flying solo - but I believe it will be soon after I am licensed. I'm LOVING ICU - it's all so fascinating there!! I've been paired up with an excellent partner to train with there - she's a Nursing student and should be graduating in December this year.

My shifts are only 3 days per week, but its full time hours. I also almost forgot that I have a mandatory exam prep class to go to this week on Thursday! EEEEK!! Had I not been going through all of my paperwork this afternoon, I'd have missed it and not been allowed to test next week!! CRIPES!!!! THAT would have been awful!

My exam is scheduled for the 14th at 08:30. That's just a little over a week - so I won't be online much between now and then if I can help it.

My hubster should be home very, very soon. I can't tell you how happy that makes me - words cannot describe. I'd love it if I came home from work tomorrow night and found him here waiting for me...a couple of weeks ago a date came to me in a dream. That was today's date. The sense of signifigance I got from it was that today would either be the day he comes home to me or it would be the day he gets told when he will. We'll see. I know he isn't home today - but as for the other, I'll know tomorrow.

Feeling Great!

2008-07-27T08:37:00.000-07:00

The wonders of raw foods never cease to amaze me. I have finally gotten myself back to living hi-raw and after only a few days, I am feeling more like the self I love to be! I've also started walking again, and this morning, I found myself scoping out the road for the possibility of rollerblading! I don't want to do it until I am down to my goal weight, tho. I think I'd still feel too off-balanced otherwise.

I haven't had any coffee since last Monday, and I've been transitioning back into hi-raw and away from all the junk I was taking in. I'm feeling so much more in my skin!
I've even gotten my glow back already!

This morning I made a truly wonderful treat - a strawberry/banana gelato in my vitamix (just frozen strawberries and frozen overripe bananas) and topped it with a chocolate raw honey sauce I find most addicting! I was even able to turn down the family recipe pancakes my son was making for breakfast:)

Right now, I am munching on some kale chips I made overnight. They're good, but once again, I prefer fresh, raw, juicy food. My future kale purchases will be sequestered to salads and smoothies. Maybe I'll use these as croutons...

Water consumption is going back up to normal as well for me - YAY! I've been trying for a while to make that happen!!

My hubster should be coming home to me soon, and for good! I can't wait:) We are going to have such an incredible life!! He still wants to go into medicine, and after he has healed up, he'll be pursuing that alongside me. His pelvis fracture still bothers him, as does his shoulder injury. They're just not getting better - not well enough to be a soldier, and there are other issues. We're fine with him coming home - in fact, we're happy that he's coming home and that we'll be building our life right here as civilians - in our beautiful home in Tennessee:)

My last day of Clinicals...

2008-07-14T14:43:00.000-07:00

was very easy:) We only stayed on the floors for about 5 hours, then went back to the classroom for the rest of the afternoon.

Today's floor was people with heart monitors, most were post-ops. One guy just got there last night - he'd had a motorcycle accident, and thankfully appears to have been wearing a helmet. He has numerous broken ribs, broken clavicle, broken leg and arm. He's in so much pain, we couldn't do much with him but keep a check on his vitals. At one point, he was struggling so hard to say something, and needed some water to clear his throat - what was so important to him? Simply to just say, "good morning" to us. All I could think of him after that was what a nobleman he was.

We did a few baths - all were elderly ladies, and I was the one holding them up when that was needed. One sweet little lady cuddled herself into my chest and fell asleep on me while we were standing there. It took some doing, but my CNA partner and I managed to get her back into bed without hardly stirring her.

One gal was doing very well and got up and helped make her own bed. She's there because of blood clots apparently but feeling pretty feisty! Then there was one who was not in such good shape - an addict who at some point was screaming at her nurse because she wasn't getting her way. I never heard any of it. I guess it must have been while the doors were closed.

Now I wait to hear from the hospital on when my orientation and start dates will be, and prepare for the State exam. In the meantime, I am going to work on getting my fitness routine back up and running - these past three days have worn me out! My legs and feet want a divorce;) But they ain't gettin' it - I need them for my patients! LOL!

Today I learned...

2008-07-13T15:57:00.001-07:00

that the human body isn't as fragile as I'd feared! I was on the Joints wing - with a number of elderly post-surgical hip repairs on the floor. Repositioning was nerve-wracking at first, but I soon saw that they could be safely moved with little pain.

The one my heart went out to today was an elderly man with dementia from Alzheimer's who also had Parkinson's. He had fallen and broken his hip, fractured one of his hands and blacked his eye pretty good as well. In our first interractions with him, all he did was mumble incoherently while I choked back some tears and took his vitals.

He was crochety come feeding times - saying he was going to string us all up in his room, denying that we were "ladies" to be respected, cussing, etc. My partner today said that he was an absolute mess yesterday when he arrived on their floor. He had dried blood in his hair from his fall, and hadn't been shaved or bathed for a few days. His toenails look like talons, and sadly, we're not allowed to cut them. The podiatrist has to do that because of the risk of infection due to slow healing. We bathed and changed his bedding with very little incident this afternoon. He was quiet, cooperative, and not too much to handle...in fact, I wasn't so afraid for him by the end of the day.

By the end of the day I was taking vitals solo - and it was great! I was so happy to have things beginning to "click."

Tomorrow is the final day of Clinicals for my CNA class...I wonder what it will bring???

My First Day

2008-07-13T01:56:00.001-07:00

of CNA Clinicals was incredible! I was put on a Med/Surg floor, which was wonderful because that's one of the areas I'll be working when I start at Northside.

We were each paired up with a seasoned CNA - will be today as well, and then we practice our skills on the instructor tomorrow. I was feeling like a beat horse when I got home last night, but inside - I was glowing. :D

I made a difference in people's lives and it showed more and more throughout the day...sure, it was bed pans, commodes, adult diapering and baths - but being able to do so and not only maintain but enrich their senses of dignity made all of the mundane acts become so much more. There was also vitals, helping them with their meals, and talking to them on their levels and being welcomed into their worlds...

The bed bath was a full one - she was a beautiful 83 year old woman with bone cancer. She can hardly move because in addition to that canger, she has a broken hip. She's also on O2. Bathing her was a beautiful experience of being taken into the confidence of the loving and wise side of the crone.

Another full bed bath was with a woman who can barely ambulate - she was modest in her bathing, but as she became more comfortable with us in the room, it was an incredible thing to see her trust in us open like the petals of a flower into full bloom.

So many times they told us - "you're really earning your money with me today" - and my answer back was - "and you're worth every penny and more!" - and I meant every word.

I finished

2008-07-11T13:13:00.000-07:00

the classroom portion of my CNA class today, and did so with all high marks! (4.0 - woot!!) I'll be starting clinicals in the morning - 06:00 to 19:30 Sat, Sun, and Mon - then I'm done until our state exams in mid-August.

I also already have a job offer!! I've accepted a position with the surgery center of the hospital - a position I'll be crosstrained through for ICU and Med/Surg. I am thrilled beyond words!!!

That's about all that I have time/energy for now - more later next week!

I'm LOVIN' THIS!!!!!

2008-07-03T16:38:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the blur, but I couldn't resist the expression;) This is me in my scrubs on the first day of class!!

I've just completed my first 3 days of CNA training and I am LOVING it!! There's SO much to learn and keep in mind - and I am also finding that I need to let some more old baggage go in order to perform optimally.

Isn't it odd how that works? Just when I think that all is done and well, something else, be it ever so small now - crops up and needs extraction and/or healing.

So, on the agenda for tonight is to read, and then do some self-analysis via meditation to cleave these much eshewed things away once and for all for the betterment of me and for the betterment of my future patients:)

Tomorrow begins...

2008-06-30T19:14:00.000-07:00

my new life! I just finished reading the first 6 chapters of the text book - was hoping to have done so a few times by now, but c'est la vie. These preliminary chapters outline the basics of caregiving as a CNA (my first step towards becoming an RN) - things like maintaining the patient's dignity, respect, integrity, protecting their privacy, and so on. As I read on, I couldn't help but wonder why it has taken me so long in life to get to this point.

I know the reason - the almighty dollar. I was a wage slave for all of my previous nightmare career in fields I couldn't stand.

The closest I ever came to a dream job was being a learning assistant/tutor/scribe for students with disabilities back in Austin. I had an interest in Nursing back then - loved assisting my students in those classes, but didn't dare to dream about it.

There was always a reason why I couldn't get into that track - the classes would have conflicted too much, the campus was too far away from my home and work, I wouldn't be able to cut it when it came to the needles (not because it's oookie, but because I couldn't get past the guilt that I would be causing someone pain. fear. and/or discomfort), I don't believe in Western Medicine - too much pill pushing to quiet the masses and not enough people doing anything about it, etc...I instead developed an interest in Social Work that would later eat my lunch emotionally and cause me to drop the caregiving fields altogether for years.

I don't have to tell you how healing raw life can be. I will say though that I attribute my ability to move forward on this now and finally grasp that long evasive golden ring to raw living. My raw life got me back in touch with me - with my Guides, and They set my feet back on the right path this past year.

Reading about CNA work now gives me a sense of where I should have been all along. I know it's going to be dirty, gruelling work at times - but at others, my smile may be the only one that person sees and it may make all the difference in the world for them that day. I may be the only person in their life who gives them the dignity they really deep down deserve. I may be the only one who stops and visits with that person - the only thing that keeps them from feeling utterly forgotten and alone.

There's the payoff.

I have no idea what my salary will be when I finish the class and become employed. I don't care. I hope I do not get to find out until I am handed my first paycheck. It just doesn't matter. I know that one way or another, we'll find a way to make it. If it means living micro-frugally, so be it.

WOW!! It's been 12 days...

2008-06-22T07:07:00.000-07:00

since I last blogged and have I been busy!!! I've been jumping through hoops to get my papers in order to begin my CNA class on 7/1. I've begun redoing some things in our home as a surprise for the hubster and in preparation for my son and his gf to move in from Texas on 7/4. I've built a fence for the big garden and continue to do battle with the neighborhood groundhog. I've been catching up on laundry and housework. I've been working on reading the first 6 chapters of my CNA text book. Then on weekends, I stay at home as much as possible to be available for when Jaysen calls.

This week I will be moving all of our stuff out of the room my son and his gf will be moving into. That's thankfully not too tall an order - only a few pieces of furniture and those are media racks and a large bookcase. Most of that stuff will go into the middle room upstairs, so not a very far jaunt, thankfully. The media racks and the bookcase (and all that occupy them) are coming downstairs. I plan on having those ready to move for when my son arrives if I find I cannot do it by myself.

I continue to be excited and stoked about becoming a CNA now and going back to school to become a nurse! It's a dream I've dared not dream come true:)

My braids went to way of the dodo yesterday. One fell completely out all by itself yesterday morning. I'd been pondering for a while what I'd be doing with them ultimately. My choices were locing, rebraiding, or just plain taking them out. As always, Jaysen and I are in sync on things, and when I told him about the one that fell out, he sweetly asked that if/when I find myself ready, to take them out and go back to my curly locks. He said the braids were fun and beautiful, but that he also missed my curly mane. The extensions were beginning to break and look rather ratty. My hair was beginning to dread up at the roots, and was looking quite nappy and in my opinion, gross. So, I set to taking out the literally hundreds of braids that were all over my head about mid-afternoon yesterday! I was up until 1:30 a.m. getting it all done!!!!! My hair was oily, thick, and wiry - I looked like Albert Einstein in his younger days! LOL!!! It was far too late at night for me to wash my hair - I HATE going to bed with a wet head. So, I combed it out as best as could be done and went to sleep. When I woke up this morning I quickly took the dogs out and then high-tailed it into the shower!! I washed my hair 3 times to get all of the excess oil and grit out of it. Now it is back to its soft, silky, curliness of the pics on my birthday, and about an inch and a half longer than it was. The hubster says he's happy to know I am back to my curly top.

I think that the next time I get a wild hair to do something different, I'll buy one of those ceramic hair irons and try straightening it with that. It never worked in Texas, as it was always too humid there - but here, not so much! We'll see!!!

OMG!!! I HAD to share!!!

2008-06-10T15:55:00.000-07:00

Aren't these just the cutest shoes EVER??? I bought them this afternoon, along with...

these fun socks, hair bands, and eyeliner!

I've been shopping for scrubs online, and will be ordering those later in the month. They're cheaper that way, and better selection than what is offered in town. I'm going to spend the evening delving into my text book after I make a myself a nice salad!!

My "On Hold" Button is Officially BROKEN!!!!

2008-06-10T05:22:00.000-07:00

I was accepted (pending reference checks) into the CNA program yesterday!! WOOT!!! I paid my tuition and got one of my text books from which I will be reading the first 6 chapters (per instruction) prior to my first class on 7/1.

As per usual in my life - whenever something really BIG presents itself, there is a storm - and last night we had a major one! It knocked out the electricity in my house for a while, so I left and drove into town to the local reiki gathering. I am scheduled there for my first attunement in mid-July!! I am SO excited about that!

Now comes the gauntlet...in the next couple of weeks, I have to get a physical, have a TB test done, get a 2nd MMR (only had one as a kid), probably get a tetanus shot, and decide when to begin the Hep B vaccine series...PRICEY!!!

I've already amassed the education documentation they want from me, but also have two forms for local friends to fill out as references. I'll be shopping for scrubs, a lab coat and shoes this weekend. Next week I'll be paying for my liability insurance. It's a fair bit pricey getting into this, but worth every penny!

The frustrating part? I have health insurance (through hubby) and I can't use it. The local docs not only have a 3-4 week waiting list, but because I would be a new patient, they want to perform an establishment visit before they'd be willing to do the physical and vaccinations. SO - off to the health department and local clinics I go! **Aside from this, I spoke to another doc later in the day who said that my insurance wouldn't cover it anyway! Sadly, the Health department will not do my physical because I HAVE insurance...Catch 22?**

SO, I just made my appointment for the MMR, Tetanus shots and TB test with the county health department - they'll DO those for me...for next week;) Even there it is going to be pricey. Those three things are looking like around $64...maybe more. The Hep-B shots are $75 each (3 shots over time), and I have to go to a pharmacy up in Greeneville for those. The physical at the walk-in quack-in-the-box clinic in Johnson City is going to be $40.

The reason I am waiting until next week, is that I have a really bad sunburn and don't want anyone touching me, let alone poking me with needles et al at the moment. I'll be taking care of the physical after I get the vaccinations squared away. So much to do in so little time;)

Gettin' 'er done!

Gardens Are A-Happening!!!!!!!

2008-06-01T05:16:00.000-07:00

This is our new veggie garden!!! I am SO proud/excited about it!!! My Aunt and I planted it all in on Friday. This necessitated my making a scarecrow

on Saturday Morning - as some bunny had at the leaves on a couple of the cucumber plants in the night. Can't they wait until the plants start producing??????? Sheesh!!!

In this big garden (rows are from right to left in the pic) we have:

Row 1: blue corn & red corn
Row 2: canellini beans
Row 3 & 4: 5 kinds of tomatoes: pineapple, boxcar willie, pink girl, cherokee purple, and pink beefsteak; satsuma bell pepper, jalapeno pepper, red chili pepper, (to be joined soon by purple, yellow, red, and green bells and some caribbean hot peppers - seedlings are too small yet)
Row 5: homemade pickle cucumbers, Persian cucumbers, baby eggplants
Row 6: French filay beans (skinny green beans that are great raw)
Row 7: leeks, georgia sweet white onions
Row 8: baby okra, spineless okra
Flat bed: green ice lettuce, red leaf lettuce, cress, red streak mustard, chianti sunflowers, apricot sunflowers, night & day nasturtiums (cream and almost black), brilliant nasturtiums (bright colors), and zinnias.

I bought the coolest sprinkler to water with back there...as dragonflys are special to me, my Aunt and also my hubster and daughter!

Garden #2 will be where my little salad garden was last year. It will have pumpkins, butternut squash, and zucchini in it along with some nasturtiums. I had planned on doing that one Saturday morning, but the ground was too mushy - it rained pretty hard Friday night...thankfully no storm damage to our plants - just the funny bunniness. It's Sunday morning and it is still raining, so no-go on the gardening today either. Maybe by Wednesday? I'd like that - it'll be my daughter's 23rd birthday that day, so planting a garden would be extra special!!

I spent the day on Saturday out with my new friends and had a blast! We were going to go to a holistic health expo, but when we got there, we saw it was mostly people pushing supplements and decided to forgoe that expense to go to one of my favorite nurseries. One of my friends was in the market for herbs, and we found plenty to get him started. He even got them in just before sundown last night!!

I also got to go on a little hike at one of the local historic State parks in the early evening. There I spoke with one of my new friends at length about the CNA route vs the home caregiving for special needs adults in the area. She has done both. There's not a huge amount of difference in the pay for the two positions, and I've never liked having to choose on salary alone. I've been waffling on which of those two routes to choose out of my own interests and potential for fulfillment, and honestly, I am leaning more towards the home caregiving...for two reasons:

One, the best jobs I ever had was being a learning assistant/tutor for college students with special needs. I love working with the mental side of health. My original pursuits in college were to be a Psychologist, afterall. In the home caregiving I would be acting as support and assisting their needs from an occupational therapy stand point. I would cook, clean, and help them in meeting/setting goals. I would also take them out to places they need to go outside of their home and be responsible for their well-being.

Two, putting in my big garden was very rough on my body...and I am reminded that I am no longer 20 and worry that as a CNA, because I would be required to lift patients often, what kind of longevity could I expect? I experience frequent weakness/pain in my hands and wrists. Could it be carpal tunnel? I don't know how long my body could stand up to the rigors of CNA or RN work...and worse - what if I dropped a patient? That would be horrendous!!!!

I am still hoping to be able to afford my first Reiki attunement later this month - depends on book sales, which sadly have been growing slower and slower. I keep hoping for a turn around on that as well as in my Art sales, but it may not come. I am extremely disappointed in the people who clamored at me in January to drop everything and do the raw runner logos "in time for April." I purposefully priced everything low and made sure to include organic cotton and multiple styles to choose from. It's now June and I don't believe anyone from that group of folks has purchased anything, nor has anyone inquired if they could use any of the logos. I may shut that store down soon because I am getting tired of paying shop fees each month for no return.

Update on Jaysen's fracture!!

2008-05-29T06:06:00.001-07:00

Jaysen's follow-up with the Army docs was yesterday and I heard from him about it late last night. Surprisingly enough, he is not only healing but has also gained back his bone density!! Jaysen saw the x-rays himself while the doc explained how he is doing. The doc told him that he will still be in pain for a while, but they are putting him into a special group of guys in a physical therapy/rehabilitative unit to build him back up before they start him all over again. They also told him that the pain will go away, but to wait 2 weeks past that to get re-immersed into the physical demands of training. His fracture is still in the healing process, and depending on how it continues will determine when he restarts basic. If all goes well, graduation from basic *could* be at the end of September or October. AIT would bump us out for permanent party to February or March.

I'm having mixed emotions over this - overjoyed that he is healing, but also wary that he may get hurt again (even worse) before this is all through. I'm not ready to breath a sigh of relief just yet.

This also puts me in a bit of limbo for the time-being. I'll be waiting to pursue that CNA training until I know we're somewhere we'll be for a few years. In the meantime, I can still move forward on Reiki. :) I have a brand new book on it that I am going to read before I begin that path with Sylvia. I know so little of it and I feel I need to know more because of the draw I have to it. My mind is too analytical to just blindly run do things anymore. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the days of my youth when I lived only by my sensories, but time and life activated the scientific side of my mind, and I can't just shut it off as much as I'd like to sometimes.

I am going to talk to that friend of mine about the in-home care she does for the mentally challenged. I think that's something I'd really thrive with for this interim time. It's either that or finally get around to those illustrations on that children's book series I'd wanted to begin or start writing on the adult level again. Maybe both if I could do the in-home care part-time - just to keep my sanity in the coming months.

It's rained for 2 days now, so no more progress on the gardens. I am hoping that I will be able to get out and rake in the rows and fertilize this afternoon -depends on how dry things become between now and then. If the ground is too wet, I'll only manage to pack in what I've tilled up...not good. At the rate this is all occurring, I may well not get this year's garden in until the anniversary of when we put in the salad garden last year!! LOL!! That would be June 14th!!! Hopefully I can still beat that timeline!!

Ow...

2008-05-27T05:12:00.000-07:00

the soreness from tilling our garden plots is still making itself known to me. My hands absolutely ache and there is still fertilizing and planting to be done. It's supposed to rain today, which I am hoping happens to allow me a day of rest.

I unhappily put Jason on his bus back to base yesterday. It was so nice having him home. Now we wait. His follow-up appointment is tomorrow to find out if he's healing (we don't think so), and whether he'll be put on more convalescence (out there) or if they'll be cutting him loose one way or another.

I'm waiting to hear about that before I begin to pursue the CNA certification. I don't want to start something I can't finish, nor do I want to present myself as a risky investment. The hospital won't be an option for me if the Army keeps Jaysen. If that winds up being the case, I'll have to wait until we're at a "permanent" station to begin pursuing that...no one will want to hire me for an indeterminant time or for less than a year's availability.

Last night I spent curled up with our dogs and I slept like a stone. Our Pomeranian is down about Jaysen not being here. He keeps hiding himself away to sulk unless there is interesting food in his vicinity.

I'm anxious to get back to my Spartan way of eating. The hubster and I have spent the last month unbridled and enjoying anything and everything. It's been a lovely time of sharing, but I am feeling the effects. I want to find a workable balance for us, and I intend to before he and I are once again reunited. He doesn't want to be 100% raw, and I want to be anything but a label. I therefore intend to allow for wiggleroom for the two of us. I want us to live high raw, but I don't want either of us to feel deprived - and we won't be. He loves bread - real bread, and I feel that is a workable allowance. We can have beautiful raw soups and salads and still have a crusty, old-world kind of bread with our meal. Fruits and smoothies for breakfasts will be lovely. He has also gone back to eating fish and poultry, and he loves when I grill fish for him. (I LOVE the fact that I do this OUTSIDE). I figure I'll be combining the best of both worlds - raw and low fat cooked...and no real labels:)

I hate labels. I just want to be me...unrestricted - out from under the proverbial microscope. Happy with who I am, the size I am/am not, and where I am in this adventure known as life.

My First Experience...

2008-05-20T05:55:00.000-07:00

with Reiki was last night at a local 3rd degree's house. Her name is Sylvia, and apparently, the local medical community has a high regard for she and her abilities. She was a very sweet woman, and last night was what she called "team" reiki. It is offered to the public via a free, open house gathering that she does every Monday night.

My hubster and I had taken my Aunt out for dinner, and then we all headed over to Sylvia's place. I was intrigued by the hand placements (being massage-trained) and was looking forward to receiving my first reiki treatment.

My Aunt was hesitant, but allowed Sylvia to do some one-on-one work on her - and she was amazed. A finger that had been hurting all week long stopped hurting, and she'd been having some mild difficulty breathing as of late, which she said she felt her lungs expanding and really working well during the experience.

Jaysen was emotionally calmed by it all, but felt no relief from his pain.

I had no ills to speak of, so my experience was somewhat "different." It was interesting afterward to know who was attuned to what degree. The 3rd degrees were alot more hot than the 1st and 2nd degrees. A 3rd degree was at my head and I felt things swirling all about up there. While I felt more intense heat from a couple of others, what was also interesting was that my body was "popping." What I mean by that, is that I would feel a "pop" and my body would jerk a bit and then quiet down. That happened both prone and supine, but more so when I was laying prone. Sylvia said that probably meant I had some blockages - she didn't say if that was physical or chi. Afterward, I felt very much out of my body for a few minutes, and then I noticed my own hands were quite hot. I sat and drank some water, and when I felt more grounded I got up and moved around a bit.

At the end of the evening, Sylvia came over to me and said much the same as my clairvoyant friend Stephen had said - that I had a lovely healing energy about me, and that I would be excellent and a natural at reiki. I plan on learning from her as I can afford it. The first lessons/attunement is affordable ($150), but the higher degrees are a bit much for us right now.

I also heard from the local hospital about their CNA training yesterday. I am going to wait until we know for sure what Jaysen's status is with the military before I pursue that avenue, as the process is that they interview you for a position there before they let you take their course. That means they make an investment via the process, and I want to know that I can not only be open and honest about our situation, but also in it for the long haul before I begin. It is also an investment on my end - that training is $170. Well worth it - but I don't want to begin that and then move away in less than a year if Jaysen is kept in the military...and with the new announcement on the 42,000 deployments this Fall, I worry that they will do so despite his injury. Another new local friend of mine does home health care for the mentally/physically challenged, which I am also going to take a look at the possibility of doing should I not be able to pursue the hospital course.

A Whole New Road...

2008-05-15T00:24:00.000-07:00

This past week has been full of Spiritual reveals for me! The first of which was by a new friend and very skilled clairvoyant/healer I met last weekend. He stopped in mid-conversation with my hubster and turned to me and acknowledged the intense indigo color of my aura saying that I would make an incredible healer or counselor if I ever chose to go down that path. I tried numerous times in Texas and always wound up hitting a wall or got side-tracked by well meaning advisors - first with Psychology, then Social Work, and finally Massage Therapy. I tried to go the medical transcription track, but it just wasn't meaningful enough.

He also told me that my exodus from Dallas was well warranted and saved me from the fast track to hormonal issues, infertility, and cancer. He also picked up on my intense over-stimulation sensitivities to electronics, sounds, and books. I have a really hard time in libraries especially. Bookstores aren't so bad because there's more background noise than in libraries, where I am often overwhelmed by the energy exuded by the collective amount of words.

My Guides have shown me that the door is now wide open for me and my future in healing. I can't sleep at the moment as I feel like a live wire! It's 3:30 in the a.m. here in Tennessee. In fact, I keep seeing and hearing in my mind's eye one of my old community college advisors saying don't worry about the money - set your heart to it and the money will follow. I'd given up on getting my bachelor's degree - having maxed myself out on student loans trying to make it happen back in Texas. But I see now, where I CAN pursue my love for healing others after all! I've decided to pursue a career in Nursing! I will most likely start out as a Patient Care Provider and get my CNA through the local hospital. By the time I have done that, we'll know more about Jaysen's situation, and I will know whether to pursue my degree at ETSU or wait until we are stationed at a base. If I can become a qualifying employee with the local hospital, they have a tuition reimbursement program - I am sure other hospitals will be similar. I emailed a few questions to them tonight to get the ball rolling for now...

As for the hubster, he is still in a fair amount of pain any time he walks or stands for more than a few minutes and thus does not appear to be healing. Rainy days are worse than sunny ones. He may very well get med-boarded, and we have both come to peace on that possibility. He had hoped that after his first enlistment as a medic to pursue becoming a CRNA. We have researched how to make that happen otherwise should he have to take another route, and both our futures look bright! ...always have a plan B.

He is home until the 26th and I continue to toil in the garden plot when it isn't raining. I was hoping to have all of the roots pulled and the ground tilled by this weekend, but the weather here isn't being very cooperative. That's okay, as our seedlings are not quite ready to go into the ground just yet. They need at least another week. Once I have the garden in and Jaysen has gone back to MO, I will begin pursuing my future career:)

I'm on a bit of a hiatus right now...

2008-05-06T04:28:00.000-07:00

My hubster arrived home safely last Wednesday after a 24 hour ride on a Greyhound bus. When the military sends you home for convalesence, the cost of the trip comes out of your own pocket. A 'hound is all we could afford ($200) with roundtrip airfare costing almost a grand. He'll be home for about 30 days, then he goes back for re-evaluation to determine if he continues to convalesce, begins physical therapy, or if he's not healing, gets med-boarded.

We've been taking care of things that needed done - like reapplying to have me put on our bank account - the idiots lost the paperwork the first go-round. Then our car insurance carrier (esurance) thought they could up our premium by $200 for NO reason. NOT. That landed us in an Allstate office for the better part of an afternoon, but we came out with better coverage than we'd had with e-surance, and for just over half of what they were planning on raising us to! Trying to keep the running around in the car to a minimum, as it does cause Jaysen some discomfort.

We also went to our local hfs and found him a better calcium supplement than the Army had him on. They had him on 600 mg calcium with 200 IU D. No magnesium, no silica. We picked up the best assimilated one they had and he's been taking it religiously. **crossing fingers that his body will benefit from this**

Other than that, I have been doing battle with the thicket and preparing the land for this year's garden. We picked up a nice lawn chair and cushion for Jaysen so he could get outside and soak up the sun while I toil in the garden plot. I am now in the throes of digging up weeds - plaintains mostly, who are so well-established, their roots go on for a couple of feet! After I have rid the plot of all of the unwanted residents, I hope to rent a small tiller to really work the soil well, then fertilize and be ready to plant in the coming week. Our last frost date here is the 10th, so that's my target date. If the weather holds, I should have it all done on schedule.

I had an unhappy occurrence with the sale of an e-book last month.

She paid via e-check, and I, in good faith, sent her my e-book before her payment cleared. Well, she got the ebook, and with no word, comment, or warning, canceled her payment to me. Yep, she ripped me off on a mere $15 payment! I tried emailing her for explanation, and have given her a week to respond, but to no avail. SO, rawbies - IF you have a product you are selling over the internet, beware...not everyone out there plays fairly.

Because of this, I will no longer be so trusting when it comes to payments via e-check. I will from here on out be waiting until they clear before sending out my e-book. Sad that one dishonest person has to ruin things for everyone else.

So, there you have it - I will not be posting as regularly as normal with the hubster home. I'm up to my ears in alligators at the moment, but all is relatively well.

I got my braids!!!!!

2008-04-25T05:38:00.000-07:00

I finally got my braids done yesterday and I am OH-SO-HAPPY with them!!!!

Here I am being dramatic with my machete after having taken out much of the thicket with it!

and now some for the softer side of me:

Just wanted to share!!!

My Material Girl side is out in full force!

2008-04-18T10:45:00.000-07:00

In fact. I have Madonna playing in the background! LOL!! I've been out SHOPPING today:)

The 16th was my birthday, and my hubster and I have an anniversary coming up on the 26th - those two things along with the fact that I wanted to go spend some fun money - took me to the mall!! First on my agenda was to decided on a kettlebell!! I set my budget at $40 before going into the store, and lo-and-behold, the 15 pounder was only $40! So I decided to pick that up on my way out.

THEN I went to HOT TOPIC - a Fave for me and Jaysen, in hope of finding him a Transformers hoodie.

Well as luck would have it, they had ONE left in his size on clearance for $21.88! YES!!!!!! I grabbed it up and tried it on to make sure it would fit him, and it was too big on me - so I KNOW it'll be fine on him! I mailed him a card today with pics of me and the one each of the four-leggeds, with a note in it telling him what his present is for when he comes home:)

So, then off to buy my kettle bell I went! FINALLY!!! I would finally have my first kettle bell!!!

I picked out the one I wanted, and then left the mall...

THEN - I went to Sally's to see if I could find a pair of piercing studs in silver color with onyx stones I could use for place holders - well, they had them:) EXACTLY what I was wanting!!! I bought those for $4 and then cruised over to Walmart and to the jewelry counter.

For those of you who don't know - Walmart does pierce ear lobes and ear cartiledge - for a HECK of a lot cheapeer than the shops in the mall do! I had intended to only get the one extra piercing above my regular earring spot, BUT - I began looking at the possibilities and suddenly got a wild hair to get TWO additional piercings per lobe being that they were so inexpensive and that there were a number of small ones to choose from! You just pay the price of the studs, and the piercing and antiseptic solution are free. I'd love to have my cartiledge done again, but sadly, I don't have the chemistry for those to heal properly. Anyhoo - I LOVE what I decided on!!

The top one is a 3mm silver palladium ball ($7.87), the middle one is a 3mm CZ in palladium ($9.87), and the bottom one is the onyx and silver stud I picked up at Sally's to be a place holder for when I am not wearing things dangly:)

Today has been a lot of fun:) I kept spending low, and still got everything taken care of that I hoped for. Now it's time to go out and take in some sun!!

Happy Birthday to Me!!! Official Weigh-In, too!!!

2008-04-16T11:33:00.000-07:00

Hi!! As promised, I have posted new updated photos taken this morning, and my weigh-in today is at 185.6 pounds!!! WOOOO-HOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Happy Birthday to ME!

I began my green smoothies this morning, and yes, I got my blueberries:) It's a GREAT and BEAUTIFUL DAY!!!

Ahhhhh! Gardening!

2008-04-11T12:39:00.000-07:00

I've spent the first half+ of my day today out in my front flower beds removing things i didn't want there, and adding things I did. I'm doing mostly seeds this year, plus some bulbs and roots. It'll be a spectacular show when everything starts coming up! Today I planted hollihocks, freesia, foxglove, belladonna, orange california poppies, lavender, love in a mist, white yarrow, four o'clocks, crocosmia, and bee balm! I also ejected most of the lamb's ears from the front beds, and want to go next week (after this coming up frost) and pick up 2 bleeding hearts and one packet each of white moonflowers and the darkest blue morning glories I can find! Those I will help weave their way up our columns on the front of the house...so color in the morning and big white flowers in the evening!!! How beautiful will that be! I also need about 4 more veronicas for ground cover.

I still have a few things to add and will be doing those next week. Tomorrow I'll be working on my herb garden, clearing it out and planting basil and some horseradish roots! YUMMMMMM!!!! I LOVES ME SOME HORSERADISH!!! My rosemary, sage, oregano and garlic chives weathered over the frosts well. I am not so sure about my lemongrass. Guess I'll find that our tomorrow. I also have some sunflower seeds to sow next to where my salad garden will be! I'm taking it a bit easier than usual, and will begin seriously knocking out the mowing/clearing the later part of next week when I start the smoothies.

I'm still going strong on my o.j. fast. It's day 11 for that, day 14 for the whole thing - and I am still LOVING it! Only 4 1/2 days left of o.j. only after today:)

I had a beautiful conversation with a neighbor of mine this afternoon. He stopped to come check on me, as I was out gardening, and he'd noticed the car suddenly in the driveway all the time. He'd also noticed how much weight I'd lost since we moved here. I think it worried him. I think he was concerned because he's recently lost his wife to oat-cell cancer, and HE wanted to tell ME about raw and living foods, because he knows how cancer hides and thrives in fat cells! It was incredible! This man who's Dad (a cattle rancher) and son (also a cattle rancher)live across and down the street from him at the end of my road keeps a diet of 80% raw and living foods! Who'd have thunk it! When we first moved here, he said he'd like to have me and Jaysen up to his place for supper sometime, and we never took him up on it because we thought it'd be a big meat fest! LOL!!!

He's going to bring me some sauerkraut he just put up, and when I am no longer fasting, I'll make him something special in return! So nice to have such a sweet, old rawbie in the neighborhood!

Official Weigh In!!!

2008-04-09T05:16:00.000-07:00

Okay - are you ready for this??? This morning I am at 189.6!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOT!!!! I am loving this fast - and the results I am getting! I've already released 19.2 pounds and I'm only on day 12 - WOW!! I wonder where I'll be come day 33!

I'm feeling really good, and cleaner every day. The coating on my tongue that I am brushing/scraping off 2-3 times a day is about the only thing I am not enjoying!

I'm also not having the desire to end this fasting time when life sends its little hiccups - of which there have been 2 this week. In my past, I'd have run to food for comfort in high-stress situations, but not this time, and I say no longer!

Well. I am totally stoked - hope everyone's having as rawesome a day as I am!!!

O.J. Day 7!!!!

2008-04-07T14:02:00.000-07:00

WOW!!! I just got back in from mowing 1/4 of this acre I live on!! Amazing...I never thought I'd be able to do this on a fast. I even started out low energy this morning, but by the afternoon, I got this wild hair to do some much needed mowing. I was out for 2 1/2 hours, which is more than the minimum recommendation when doing the o.j. diet.

I also ejected what appeared to a ferocious, man-eating weed from my front flower bed. I am so glad to have that gone - it was stickery!!!

Wonderful comebacks this year so far: 2 black and blue salvia bushes, a stella d'oro, an echinecea, oregano, sage, rosemary, a clematis, buddleia, 2 seedum, rue, hostas, daffodils, 4 rose bushes, 2 peonies, LOTS of lamb's ear, and something I don't remember the name of but it's damn cool looking! New to the beds are 2 orange butterfly bushes, and I am hoping for hollihocks:)

FINALLY!!! MY GARDENING TIME HAS BEGUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

O.J. Feasting - Day 6!

2008-04-06T09:03:00.000-07:00

Well I am doing VERY well on this o.j. diet, and it's a beautiful day outside (finally) - after rain for four days straight! I am not complaining - it's going to be great for my gardens this year. My hubster has been enduring those floods in MO at basic training since about mid-March!!

Today I am going to finally do some workouts - been in my art head for days, and need a small breather. Plus, the exercize will help with detox. Strange thing yesterday morning...I woke up with pork chop breath!!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!! I'VE BEEN VEGETARIAN FOR 4 YEARS!!!!! That was SO gross!!!! Yuck!!!! Yuck!!!! Yuck!!!!

I have taken some medicinal tea to help things along hopefully purge whatever the heck that was out of my body once and for all!!!

Here's something neat - I can swear the scar on my thumb is fading! I have to really LOOK for it now - and I believe this fast has to do with that. Every day I notice something different:)

I'm loving this so much it won't be a challenge to make it to the 16th. That's only a week and a half away, and I've already experienced about that long. This is much easier than I thought it would be!

Creativity is a'flowing!!! Right now I am working on a portrait of La Siren and will begin another this afternoon of Erzulie Freida. I'll post them as pics when they're done, but for now, I have opened an e-store for my Vodou art, and there is now a link to it on that section of this page. You can see the pics A LOT better there:)

Enjoy!!!

O.J Feasting Day 3...

2008-04-03T13:40:00.001-07:00

Well I am having absolutely no headachy pangs today! I also wasn't hungry at all, but made myself 24 ounces of o.j. at 2 p.m. Other than that it's been water all day. I've been working on Art today - something I have wanted to do for weeks. Today the creative juices are really flowing and I'm getting impatient for the acrylics to dry!! LOL!! Trying to keep myself busy:)

Official Weigh-In Day

2008-04-02T05:49:00.000-07:00

I've decided on Wednesdays for my official weigh-in days. Today I am at 194.6!!!!! God - by week's end I could be down into the 180's at this rate!! LOVING IT! Still continuing to unload toxins. My tongue is a healthy color, but coated white. I also continue to have headachy pings from time-to-time. Otherwise I am doing marvelously well on my o.j. feast! I only took in 24 ounces yesterday, and the rest was water and lots of it. I will as usual listen to my body and what it needs to know how much to take in.

After I finish my o.j. this morning, I'll be getting dressed and going outside for a bit to pick kale and collards then do some walking! Those 2 hours I spent outside yesterday did me a lot of good:)

O.J. here I come!!!

2008-04-01T05:41:00.000-07:00

I have successfully completed my 3 day water-only fast! I began friday night, and will be breaking it with fresh o.j. at 9 a.m. I am so happy to say that I have finally broke the 200 pound barrier! THIS MORNING I AM AT 198.2!!!! It's smooth sailing from here on out - I honestly was beginning to think I'd never drop below 202 pounds being how long this plateau has lasted!

It's a happy, happy day for me!!!!

I also calculated my BMI, and I am only 18 pounds away from exiting the Obese category 1 - and less than a year ago I was morbidly obese! 18 more pounds released and I'll only be clinically overweight on my way down to a healthy weight (48 pounds to release) for good!!! WOOO-HOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Once I've gotten down into the healthy range, I'll see how far down into I can get while maintaining my fitness and body building regemin.

I've decided that I am going to do this fast once a year, beginning in February, and ending on Spring Equinox. I woke up this morning feeling so ALIVE and CLEAN!!

Well it's time to go prep those oranges! Beautiful life-giving golden elixer!!!!!

Fasting/Feasting

2008-03-29T12:20:00.000-07:00

Hi All!

I began my water-only fasting today. I'll be doing this until 4/1, then switching to fresh o.j. and water until at least my birthday!! I just realized that I haven't done new photos in some time now. I promise new ones will come up on 4/16!

Been thinking alot today about how differently I am living my life than I did in my younger days. I'm not liking it so much on one level - I miss my unpredictability - I was once a wild child:). I've become far too logical. In my younger days, I lived by my passions - and often by the seat of my pants. I miss that. My day-to-day life has become far too routine. I know I'd be creating a lot more on a daily basis if I had my wild streak back...and I've decided I am going to find it!

I don't know for sure how to go about this, but I am determined to make it happen. Tonight we're all supposed to turn out the lights at our respective 8 p.m. and observe Earth Hour. I plan on doing much planning and introspection during that hour - by candle light up in the Faerie room!

I'm determined to put my wild side back in the driver's seat - and keep her there for the rest of my life. I can no longer tolerate this mundanaeity that I've made my fate. Spontanaeity, creativity, unbridled passions, and wit - all will be mine as they were too long ago:) I should have NEVER wished for a "normal" life. It ages you terribly and is horrendously boring!!!

I admit it...I'm a fitness junkie!

2008-03-26T11:36:00.000-07:00

I am a fitness junkie!! I absolutely love working out and the feel of sweat trickling down my mid-back! I was getting that today in my 2nd workout earlier this afternoon = bellydance fitness. My legs are only mildly sore from this week's activity:)

I've really stepped it up - doing 6 miles of power walking, 30 minutes of belly dance, 30 minutes with a weighted ball, 4 sets of 25 each bicep curls, tricep extensions, and pec flys, plus 100 sit ups each day! I am LOVING not only how I am feeling, but also how my body is responding to the sudden increase of activity.

I'd really like to drop at least 30 pounds before Jaysen and I see each other again, and then down to goal by the time he graduates from AIT. I also want to be really toned! So far, so good on those avenues:) I am even noticing that my stretch marks are fading to nil! This is all so exciting!!!

Seeing how much stamina I have at just over 200 pounds, I cannot imagine how much I'll have when I get to my goal size! I've decided I want to be about a U.S. size 8 - not sure what weight that will be for me, being that I'm going to be a tight little ball of muscle! It could mean my goal of 126, and it could mean a bit higher due to muscle weight...who knows - I'm fine so long as I get to that size!

It's been a week and a half since Jaysen shipped out, and each day gets a little easier as I put more and more of my energy into my personal transformations. I finally decided I didn't have to eat the cooked vegan stuff Jaysen didn't finish, and will be preparing it for my dogs a little each day - so I'm back up to 100% rawdome and it feels INCREDIBLE! Gosh I've missed this feeling!

I have 3 miles of power walking left to do today and that 30 minute workout with the squooshie weighted ball. Going to do that around 5 p.m. if not sooner, then take another one of those wonderfully long hot showers I love so dearly! I also want to start dry brushing each day. I always forget to do it until after I've showered and then it's too late! Oooops! Bummer.

One of the cool things to do with the squooshie ball is a neck/chin toning exercize - if for no other reason it was worth buying it for that! My neck has been looking so weird for a while now - I really want to tone it up.

I discovered today how much easier it is to do my bellydance workout with socks on my feet on this hardwood floor! I was sticking something fierce! No problem today, however!!! LOL!!! The movements are becoming more graceful as well - so yay there! I've always wanted to dance, and have never felt like I had the coordination to handle it. Hoping for better now.

Food this week has been sparse as I prepare myself for my weekend water-only fast and next week's o.j. fast. My current penchant is to make banana ice cream and a carob/honey sauce to go with it. I also have been eating kale salads. I'm going to have that after my shower this evening. My meals have been pretty much down to 2 per day, with lots of water all day long and into the night.

I'm hoping to have some serious reading time this evening...hoping for no phone calls. I'm phoned out after the past couple of days.

I've been exploring some new forums, and finding lots of good information regarding juice feasting on Raw Pleasure in Australia. I also joined Storm and Jinjee's forum and have been making some good new connections there. Always looking for good-natured, like-minded people. I have no time for primadonnas and drama queens...nor do I have charity for them.

I've been tagged!!!

2008-03-24T06:55:00.000-07:00

“Hello Mattye Lee!! You're it! Now the rules are: write five things about yourself that we don't already know about you and then tag up to five other people. Good luck!! Aleesha”

Well Aleesha... here's 5 things you don't know about me:

1. I used to chase my children around the house with a jar or currant jelly, threatening to bathe them in it roast them in the oven! It was great fun!

2. I won the "Secretary Olympics" in Austin, Texas about 10 years ago - 5 gruelling tests of secretarial skills: collating, diskette flinging, stapler chucking, a relay race and finally, dropping computer bits from a 40 ft crane onto a target below!

3. I love music - especially to play it - I was a promising bass clarinetist in school, and had hoped for an orchestral career. Sadly, I gave it up for a dunderhead...then I gave up the dunderhead 6 years later.

4. I would love to have a snake, but fear for the livelihood of my Chihuahua.

5. Five years from now I want to be living in Europe!

Now, tagging five of my blogger friends...

Sunshine!!

Meg!!

Alisha!!

Ashasarala!!

Raw Mama!!

Let's hear some things about you we didn't know;)

Been on an unintended Hiatus!

2008-03-19T09:14:00.000-07:00

If you've been wondering where I have been, I just wanted to let my readers know that I haven't gone anywhere. I loaded my hubster up on the Army van on Monday, and have already begun missing him terribly.

My eldest son and his girlfriend are out here visiting me until Saturday, then I will most likely take a few days off to cleanse and have some down time. I will most likely be doing one of my water fasts at that time, turning off the phones, and sleeping - a lot.

I'm exhausted on every level. The past three weeks have been spent focusing on my hubby - spending every quality minute together we could eke out of a highly chaotic schedule. It's been wonderful, exciting, romantically rejuvenating, and at times heart-wrenching.

I have some raw thoughts I am mulling over in my head these days. Particularly in relation to the stress of it all. I haven't been high raw for these 3 weeks. It's been more of a roller-coaster effect. Some days were about normal, but there were others that were not. I decided to de-restrict our diets and lives to minimize that part of our daily stress as we made the transition into being a Military couple. It was good for us. We shared things food-wise that we hadn't taken the opportunity to in years. He wanted pizza. We went out for pizza. I paid for it physically - being allergic to dairy, but it was so worth it to me to be able to share in it with him. Happily, tho - I have gained NO weight, and suffered NONE from Candidia due to the influx of wheat consumption. This bodes very well for me in relation to how well my body has healed through the raw vegan lifestyle!

Jaysen and I will have been married for 6 years on the 26th of next month, and yet we feel like we're still honeymooning. We don't like hours apart - let alone days. Now we're facing a month before he can send me a form letter to know how to contact him. I bought a stationary pad yesterday so I could write entries to him every day like a diary. When the month passes, he'll be getting a huge letter he can enjoy until the next ones arrive. I'm thinking I'll random it up a bit as to when I mail each one. I don't want to mail one every day or have a rhythm to any of it. That way they'll be unpredictable and a prize for when he receives them!

I can't wait to be back together again. It'll be at least 6 months before all of his training is done, and then probably a month or so before we get to cohabitate. Even that may be short-lived...he could be deployed as early as a month after being stationed at his permanent party. If that happens, we're facing another year apart from that point.

This is a growing time for us both, and I couldn't be more proud of him as he becomes the man I always hoped he be. For me, there is more healing - physically as well as mentally and emotionally - but for me too, I sense there is also maturation on my path. Time will tell.

Butt-Whooopin'!

2008-03-04T14:40:00.000-08:00

That's what I just got from this man in my 2nd workout of the day! I did my walk dvd this morning, and the 50/50/50 on weights plus crunches I've mentioned before. I knew today was the day to add my 2nd workout. It didn't take me long to decide on which workout I wanted to do...why do I always go for the toughest thing I can find? LOL!!

This afternoon I worked my way through most of Billy Blanks' Advanced Tae Bo tape! In fact, I managed to get through 30 of the 45 minutes. I knew it was going to be hard. I knew I wouldn't be able to do everything - especially not with proper form - but I pushed my way through and eased up when I knew I really needed to - but not until I REALLY needed to! I love finding myself sweating...that may sound strange, but for so long, I haven't sweated - which I am told a healthy person actually does sweat!

I'm feeling good - and a little cocky;)

I had a huge smoothie this morning with a tablespoon of refined coconut oil in it, a few flax chips, and tonight, I am having a large salad! I've only managed about 22 ounces of water, tho - which I'll be working on adding to throughout my evening.

I put up a ton of sliced bananas into the freezer this afternoon, and I also started some banana leathers in the dehydrator. The banana leather smells heavenly - but it's raining out so it will probably take it a couple of days before it's ready.

Some things I am noticing on my coconut oil experiment...first, it seems to lessen my cravings for bad fats. That's good - it's already doing one of the things it has a reputation to do:) I'm trying to steer clear of nuts and olive oils this month, and the ungodly cost of avocados has me turning to a tablespoon of coconut oil each day...keeping it frugally raw! One pint-size jar of coconut oil (about $9) will last 23 days if consumed as only one tablespoon each day (so 39 cents per day). One avocado costs $1.50 these days...I usually eat a half or 1 whole in one setting. Even at only a half of an avo per day, that's almost twice the price of using the coconut oil instead...not to mention how hard it is to find a decent avo at this time of the year out East. So many of them have those horrid black spots and stringiness to them! Another thing about the coconut oil - it is purported to increase one's metabolic rates. I have a very slow thyroid. This should prove interesting...more as time marches on!

An Experiment and an Update!

2008-03-01T16:04:00.000-08:00

I am very happy to report that things are going well! I am loving my workouts, and while I haven't made it to doing two per day yet, I am seeing some subtle changes that I find very pleasing! The main thing I am happy about, is that I am beginning to notice some definition in my arms just from using the 5 lb. dumbells! This should bump up quite a bit come mid-April, as I am hoping to buy a pair of Russian kettlebells that I will begin using daily! I've wanted some for some time now, and I was worried that I would have to buy them online. INSTEAD, I found a local sporting goods store (Dick's) has some that I can buy in-store! I am trying to decide between buying two 15 pounders or one 25 pounder. They are not cheap items - in fact, ONE 15 pounder is $40! The 25 pounder is $60! I'd love to have a pair of both, but that's $200!!!! I don't see that happening for me. My worry with the weight-size, is that while 15 pounders will be good at first, I tend to put on muscle quickly. Those may soon become a non-challenge for me.

As for my e-book, FRUGAL RAW! I've been very happy with the sales thus far, and am still trying to decide how I want to go about publishing it in hard copy. Do I do it now and maybe do a revision or a 2nd volume in a year or so? Or do I add to what I have and publish a thicker book sooner?

My raw Art is beginning to gain attention - hoping for lots of sales there in the near future!!

As for my experiment, I am going to limit my nut intake this month, and use mainly coconut oil for my fats when I cannot get decent avos. Thankfully, I won't be testing a ton of recipes either, so I am as of immediately going back to my more Spartan way of life:)

My Raw Runners are Finished!!

2008-02-28T04:40:00.000-08:00

I have finally finished the Raw Runner logos for shirts, mugs, etc in my cafepress Art store! Check them out here:

http://www.cafepress.com/mattyesrawart/4712721

Let's just say my creativity ran amok! This is one of many logos...60 to be exact, involving 9 nine runners. I had to learn how to function really well, really fast in PhotoStudio 5 to make this all happen. My youngest son helped me with many of them, but then when I got the hang of it, I finished them out and made the group shots. I'd never done graphic art before. I've even put the group pics on the backs of organic cotton tees, with each of the single raw runners on the front, and have used corresponding colors for the back flashes.

I knocked out my first raw vegan children's book the other day! The storyline is set, and today I will begin doing the illustrations for it. I plan on making similar characters such as these as the characters in my children's books.

I love doing children's books! I wrote and illustrated one when I was about 13, and I still have it...it was about a mixed-up St. Bernard! That one we never never have tried to publish, tho As for my raw vegan children's book, I plan to make it a series! I already have volume 2 pacing around in my head...

February 24th, 2008 - The Big News!

2008-02-24T16:07:00.000-08:00

Just a quick announcement regarding my hubster! Yesterday he was sworn into the U.S. Army as a 68W - a Combat Medic! I could not be more proud of him!! As I sit here I am only a little bit afraid for him, and yet knowing that he is going into this to save lives - lives of those who have family who love them as much as I do him - makes him a hero to me in my own heart already. If we have to be apart, I can think of no cause more noble. I will miss him terribly while he is in training, and wild horses won't keep me away from his side whenever that opportunity becomes available. Call me a Proud Army Wife!

February 24th, 2008 - New Paths

2008-02-24T07:18:00.001-08:00

I am thrilled to announce that my new e-book is flying off the cybershelves and people are LOVING it! I'm already planning my next projects, one of which will be FRUGAL RAW! Weight Release! My weight release had been very consistent until January - and since then I've been hovering. I know that anyone who gets on the lifestyle releases weight at first when they do it 100% - but what about when we stall out? I begin the research phase for this project this week, and will begin writing and compiling relative recipes on this one as I go.

I am also going to start work on a series of raw vegan children's books that I will also illustrate!

More later - I have some very big news about the hubster! I am more proud of him than I could ever be in my lifetime...

February 22nd, 2008 - FRUGAL RAW! has gone LIVE!!!

2008-02-22T04:53:00.000-08:00

I am tingling with excitement!!! Just moments ago, I opened up my new website, Frugal Raw News! wherein you can purchase my e-book, FRUGAL RAW! It is a collection of my best, low-cost raw recipes along with valuable information and guidance in living a Raw vegan life the FRUGAL way!

Links are posted on this page to take you there - enjoy!

February 21st, 2008 - FRUGAL RAW! Update!!

2008-02-21T10:00:00.000-08:00

Looks like I am just about done with my Frugal Raw book! I am working on the (currently) final recipe for it - matar paneer. Once I have that done and photographed, and I make a handful of grammar corrections (I've had a friend proof read it for me this morning), it'll be ready to launch tomorrow on schedule!

It got bigger than I had intended. I just couldn't face leaving out any of the recipes...Now I am having to face the choice of offering it as an e-book (113 recipes included), and adding more recipes over time for a revised copy that could be published in hard copy or...what???

I'm also working on converting it to pdf format this morning. It's currently in Word, and way too big to email out. Here's my table of contents:

Raw Vegan Household Etiquette and Keeping It Frugal
It Comes Down To Raw Living Foods and You
The Right Tools
Storing Raw and Living Foods
Staples of a Frugal Raw Vegan Kitchen
Economical Modifications and Uncooking On the Fly!
Shopping & Green Living - Tricks and Tips that Save You Money
Frugal Fitness
Recipes
• Smoothies

 Mattye’s Sweet Smoothies (9)
 Mattye’s Green Smoothies (9)
 Mattye’s Savory Smoothies (10)

• Soups

 AvRAWgolemono Soup
 Creamy Carrot Ginger Soup
 Creamy Mushroom Soup
 Creamy Tomato Soup
 Creamy Avo-Spinach Soup

• Appetizers

 Cheeze Sticks w/Marinara Sauce
 Dolmas
 Raw Falafel w/Tzatziki Sauce
 Herbed Cheeze Stuffed Mushrooms
 Nori Rolls

• Cheezes/Pates

 Garlicky Cashew Cheeze
 Raw “Refried” Beans
 Sunny Eggless Salad
 Cashew Pate Stuffed Tomatoes
 Raw Parm
 Sunny Cream Cheeze Spread
 Sunny Garden Veggie Cream Cheeze Spread
 Sunny Green Chili Cream Cheeze Spread
 Sunny Flox (faux lox) Cream Cheeze Spread
 Horseradish Pate

• Chips/Breads

 Sweet Bell Tortilla Chips
 Olive/Onion Tortilla Chips
 Salsa Chips
 Pizza Chips
 Olive Bread
 Pumpernickel Bread
 Soft Onion Herb Bread
 Soft Honey Wheat Bread

• Salads/Salsas

 Greek Grapes & Cheeze Salad
 Nacho Salad
 Best Burger Salad
 Russian Dressing
 Sunny Sour Cream
 Coleslaw
 Raw Mayo
 Mustard “Potato” Salad
 Green Pea Salad
 Carrot Raisin Slaw
 Mediterranean Salad
 Creamy Spinach Salad
 Habanero Solar Salsa
 Pineapple Mango Salsa
 Pico de Gallo
 Guacamole
 Creamy Tomatillo Salsa
 Tomatillo Salsa
 Tomato Salsa
 Cranberry Relish

• Entrees/Wraps

 Caribbean Red Bean Salad Rolls
 Green Enchiladas
 Green Avo Enchiladas
 4-Alarm BBQ Veggies
 Best Burgers
 Green Chili Enchiladas w/Chili Lime Sour Cream Sauce and Salsa
 Avocado Enchiladas
 Rueburger
 Liveburgers
 Pickles
 Fyshburgers
 Poor Mattye’s Raw Tacos
 Tandoori Marinade for Veggie Kabobs
 Saag Paneer
 Mango Chutney
 Riced Pilaf
 Kofta Curry
 Matar Paneer
 Thai Green Curry Marinade for veggie bowls or Kabobs
 Japanese Marinated Veggie Kabobs
 Szechuan Marinated Veggie Kabobs
 Confetti “Fried” Rice
 Rice Bowl w/ Orange Sauce
 Greek Marinated Veggie Kabobs
 Texas BBQ Marinated Kabobs
 Bruschetta Pasta

• Desserts/Sweets

 Lemon Tarts
 Spiced Creamy Peach Pie
 Triple Decker Brownie
 Chocolate Sauce
 Peanut Butter
 Rawsome Chewy Caramels
 Raw Donut Holes
 Rhubarb Ice Cream
 Raw Any-Fruit Ice Cream
 Banana Pudding
 Carrot Cake

I have my website set up with a Paypal account button in place for the e-book orders.

A short while ago, I was given the idea of perhaps using my fruit/veggie people I came up with as characters in children's books!! This sounds like a FUN project, doesn't it? Writing books for raw children

I have another art project I need to finalize first, but it's near completion too

February 18, 2008 - Fitness Fitting!

2008-02-18T15:00:00.000-08:00

I think I have finally gotten into a suitable routine for myself! I am loving the 3 mile (45 minute) power walking dvd, and have also incorporated 5 pound per hand weighted pectoral flyes, bicep curls, tricep extensions, and situps. My current counts for each of those is 50 per day. I plan on adding a 2nd workout each day as well.

Being that I am starting back up on weights, I have pulled out an old book of mine by Anja Langer - a GORGEOUS German female World Class body builder from the early 1990s. I find her to be very inspirational in what can be done with a woman's body in regard to body building and still be feminine! The book is called, "Body Flex, Body Magic." She is an omni, so I am modifying her recommendations to suit my raw vegan lifestyle...perhaps that will be another book someday. I haven't seen much done by female raw vegan bodybuilders. Alissa Cohen is the only one I know of, and her book doesn't really touch on the weight training side of it much.

I also will be re-reading Storm Talifero's e-book on raw vegan weight training. I miss my weight bench - I haven't had one in years - and I only currently have my 5 pound dumbells. I'd LOVE to have a kettlebell! That will be something I'll look into when we can afford it...or maybe look at asking for one for my birthday...

In the meantime, as it warms up outside, the clearing of land for our extended organic gardening will begin shortly, and I'll be outside swinging a pick axe for a good amount of musculature development!

I'd like to learn how to do pushups. Being a female, I haven't ever really tried to learn how to do them properly. When I was in school, they made us gals do them with our knees to the floor. That's not the kind I want to be doing!! I want to do REAL pushups!

Running is getting better. I did an 1/8th of a mile yesterday, then had to walk a long while due to cold, high winds triggering my asthma. My legs were good, though! I could have gone farther had I not had breathing the difficulties.

I now have 80 recipes in my test kitchen and plan on adding more. I also have made a great amount of headway on my new FRUGAL RAW NEWS website and I hope to have my first e-book, "RAW on the Cheap" available for purchase by the end of this week! The announcement will be made on this site, with a link to my new site provided...

February 13, 2008 - Changes and Revamps!

2008-02-13T15:34:00.000-08:00

For anyone looking for my Vegan Kitchen site, I am in the process of revamping it, so I have put it on restriction while I put it through some changes. I hope I don't inconvenience anyone by having done so - please email me if you really need something from it.

My new site will be called "Frugal Raw News" and will showcase my newest, never-before seen creations that will be going into my upcoming book, "FRUGAL RAW." I will also have a e-book available shortly that will be brimming with my frugal raw tips, tricks, and tantalizing treats while we all await the release of my cookbook! In the meantime, my Frugal Raw testers are hard at work trying out and loving my frugal recipes! I'm getting lots of good feedback from them as they work their way through:)

This is SUCH an exciting time in my life right now - my creativity is literally overflowing and keeping me awake many nights...a most wonderful conundrum!

I also have a couple of paintings tapping around in my head that want me to begin on them tonight. I only haven't yet because I have been busily updating my tester blog after having been down for a week and a half due to a failed surge protector. Currently, raw testers have 75 of my recipes to choose from, and I am happily caught up on posting them for them. It's nice to be caught up! I have another to measure out and add tonight - a carob (or) cacao sauce I often enjoy on fresh fruit in the mornings...possibly a 2nd one as well tomorrow.

Currently in my dehydrator are raw cheeze sticks for a marinara I will be surprising Jaysen with tomorrow night, and I want to come up with something of carob or cacao nature too for our Valentine's Day dessert.

More as it happens, Rawbies!

February 6, 2008 - I'm Walkin'!

2008-02-06T05:33:00.000-08:00

I finally got around to checking out my new workout dvd yesterday! It's a 3 mile trek in only 45 minutes that I found to be quite enjoyable! Heck - I even broke a sweat!! I highly recommend it for bad weather days when you just can't get outside for those lush negative ions we all need so dearly! The name of the dvd is "Walk Away Your Waistline" in the Leslie Sansone Walk At Home series. I bought it as a set which comes with a resistance waistband for only $12.97 at Walmart.

Everything is going full-steam ahead on all of my projects! I have decided to create a website for FRUGAL RAW and from it, I will be offering an e-book to tide everyone over while I am completing the uncookbook!

I have also opened an e-store, "Mattye's Raw Art" on cafe press, where t-shirts, bags, pillows, clocks, mugs, and a number of other items bearing my raw art designs are now available! The link is at the top of this page on the right, under the photo of my painting, "Raw Birth". Be sure to check it out and to check back for new designs!

Time for me to get back to my bliss!

January 29, 2008 - Artin' It Up!

2008-01-29T16:15:00.000-08:00

I've been busily working on my book, "FRUGAL RAW," developing recipes, as well as working on my Art. Below is my first Raw Life inspired painting. I call it "Raw Birth." It is my expression of what we experience early on in our raw journeys - the transformations, the miraculous healing waters that bathe our hurts and ills away, and the magick that enters into our lives!

I've also been working with a team of Raw Runners, creating images for their t-shirt logos..there are currently nine in all, but we have intentions to do a team of all the runners for a tenth design:

Carrot Man:

Turnip Man:

Deep South Veggie Man:

Salsa Man:

Pea Pod Person:

Pepper Person:

Veggie Woman:

Berry Woman:

and, last but not least...

Persimmon Woman:

This project has been a lot of fun, and the designs are currently being prepped for silk-screening! This is all so very exciting! Now I need to figure out how to make business cards that I can make to use my own Raw Woman Artist logo!

But - for the rest of tonight, I'm back onto the book after a much deserved shower...

January 24, 2008 - My Brightest Bliss!

2008-01-24T05:38:00.000-08:00

A couple of nights ago, my hubster gave me the most wonderful gift! I've been trying to force myself to like transcription enough to be happy with doing it, but, well...I hate it. I regret that we've put so much time and $$ into it, when I should have been focusing on my passions all along. The Lwa have been after me for months to just throw myself headlong into my Art and my Writing, but I haven't felt like I had that luxury. Until now...

I had drawn up numerous scenarios that would have me bringing in an income very shortly, and also very productively - but in jobs that I would without a doubt hate. My wonderful husband would have no part of it, save for an emergency back-up plan. In the meantime, he is going to do everything he can to support me in my true calling and path.

We decided that night, that I would drop the transcription, and put all of my energy into my Art and into my upcoming book, "Frugal Raw!" I already have numerous people clammering for me to complete the book - raw and non-raw as well! I have people lined up to be testers for the recipes and cost analysis. As for my Art, I'm going two routes with it - my Spirit Art, and I began a painting yesterday that will reflect the experience of Raw rebirth! My media is oils on canvas, and it is coming along beautifully. I will post a picture of it on this site upon completion.

I spent the day yesterday blissed out. I worked on my book, I networked, I spoke to Instructors and scheduled my certifications. I researched publishing houses, and began the painting last night. I will need more canvases, as I can see this becoming a series.

Jaysen is going to help me by getting a couple of websites up and running for me - one for the Raw end of my expressions; "Frugal Raw" and my Raw Art, and the other will be for my Vodou Art, because the two realms are so different from one another.

My thoughts on the Raw Art are to create paintings that Raw Vegans would like to have in their homes that would be not only aesthetically pleasing and nurturing, but also remiscient of different points on their journeys. I am seeing bright, vivid hues amidst soft healing tones, but not entirely sure if it is anything but Abstract Surrealism. I do know that I am creating Art that expresses our journeys on this Raw path - images that we look at and say - "I know that point!" or "I remember being there!" So, there you have it - Bon Dieu willing and blessing my steps, I am now finally on the path of once again being an Artist and finally becoming an Author, and it's time to make it happen!

WOOO-HOOOOO!!!!

January 21, 2008 - What's Going On?

2008-01-21T05:18:00.000-08:00

For my regular readers who have noticed all the new banners on my page, I thought I should explain a bit about them. I discovered a great opportunity yesterday to support a leader in the raw community, Angela Stokes. By placing her ad on my pages, I am promoting her and the raw food movement and awareness. I, in turn, am promised a small commission on any sales that come from those who link to her page from my pages and buy at that time. I am now an affiliate for her company. I chose Angela because I relate so well to her pre-raw life, and her journey in rawdom since. Her store really is my favorite one on the web. I find it easy to navigate, and she carries everything I have ever tried to find at a fair price and fair shipping. So, support Angela by buying from her store, and if you wish to support me too, please only buy from her after having navigated to her store through the banner and product links I have provided:)

Now, on to my raw life...A little over a week ago, I received something very unexpected via FedEx...I was honored with the most selfless gift of appreciation and value, I have ever received in my life...a new 9-tray Excalibur dehydrator with 5 paraflexx sheets some raw forum angels suprised me with for how much I do for others in this raw path. I was humbled and cried buckets when I received this amazing, charitable gift, as I couldn't believe that others would have so much faith and value in me. They sent a card along with it, that said:

"You've inspired more people in more ways than you can possibly begin to fathom.

This is a gift to help you along your way in helping others.

We sincerely hope you enjoy your new "toy"!

With all the love the world can hold

- Your Secret Santas"

We went out that friday and bought groceries as usual making sure to stock up on things I would need to begin using our new dehydrator. The first thing I made was Alissa Cohen's enchiladas and Kristen's corn chips - SO good! I easily kept us going through the week with burgers, buns, flax crackers, cookies, and pates.

But then, this past weekend became a major stressor! We live paycheck-to-paycheck (literally) that friday we went shopping, (a week ago this past Friday), my husband's job went from temp to perm. We had only $2 left in our bank account, as is normal for us after bills, food and gas.

He immediately began asking what that hire date would mean in regard to his paycheck...as a temp he got paid every week, but with the hiring company, he will be paid every other week. Now, he was hired in the middle of the hiring company's pay period...and NO ONE would give him a straight answer on whether or not he would be paid by the temp agency this past friday, or if they had retro'd his start date so he would have a full 2 week check this coming Thursday.

From what people were half telling him, he felt it safe to assume that he would at least get a partial check from the tmep agency. He would continue to ask people through the week - at both the agency and the company, with no real answer...until last Thursday evening when it was too late to find out anything from the company's payroll department, when the temp agency called home and told me they hadn't received any hours for him!!!!

So there we were - still no definitive answer, no $$, dwindling food stuffs, and gas for maybe 3 days. It wasn't until friday afternoon that someone finally stepped forward and confirmed they'd retro'd his hire date. Nice warning. Had they answered him straightforwardly when he signed his I-9 on the 11th, I'd had budgetted for this...but so such act of grace - and only $2 to our names and the car payment due on Sunday.

We were able to negotiate on the car payment, and bump it out to his new paydate. Then we had to deal with getting money for food and gas to carry us through. We've gone through a couple of boughts of gleaning our books and selling them at the local used book store. So, we went through them again, and found the last of the ones we were willing to part with. Then we went through all of our CDs and video games as well. We had two boxes when all was said and done. We also had a personal loan we'd been paying on that had enough wiggle room in it that we could get the gas money by increasing it back up by $40. That we did on the way to the book store. The bookstore gives cash and trade dependant on the item. We were overjoyed to hear that we would have $69 in cash, and $25 in trade! We took the money and meandered around the store to see if they had anything we wanted to use the credit to take home. Jaysen found a few books, and brought the credit down to $10 for another day.

Then it was off to the stores for groceries! My plan was to hit 3 stores all in our path to going home. First, we went to Kroger, and we found 3 packs of mushrooms that had been discounted. A bag of angel hair cabbage that was only $1. Two HUGE sweet yellow onions for $1 each, enormous limes for 59 cents each, and avocados were cheaper than at Ingles (our nearest one to our home)...smart shopping. Tomatoes in the grocery store are running $3-$4 per pound right now. We made a quick stop in at Stanley's - our local produce stand and found big, beautiful red tomatoes for only $1.79 per pound! Lemons were 3 for a $1. Bananas were only 39 cents a pound. We stocked ourselves up! Then it was a final stop at Ingles for raw honey and oil cured black olives for us, and cat and dog foods to wee them through the week as well.

We have since had portabellas with guac, braggs, and a tomato/olive relish topping; breakfasts are cinnamon flax crackers with honey and bananas; I've made koftas and lime curry dipping sauce, falafel and a tzatziki spread, two kinds of soft breads - 1 onion and 1 honey, and last night we had zucchini with raw marinara and have plenty left over for tonight! I also have a potato and two yams that I will be making into chips soon.

It's all good:) We have enough food to last us to the weekend, and we're not feeling a bit deprived! It's all about living frugal raw effectively:)

January 15, 2008 - Up and Running!

2008-01-16T13:51:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling a little puny the past few days, but am thankfully on the mend! It's been five days since my last trot, and I've been missing it - I just was in no shape to go do it. So today, I gathered up my trusty Pomeranian, and had him join me for my exercise. No tae bo today, but I did get in just over 3/4 of a mile of trotting! I can't tell you how amazing it feels to be up on my legs and have them growing strong beneath me. My biggest fear for my body is the loss of the use of my legs. Starting to run now, will keep them ambiable in my golden years!

I've also been thinking a lot about my mane. That is how I always referred to my hair when I wore it long, and I have grown to really miss it! It was once very thick,long, soft, and curly. Years of processing and poor diet drained my hair of its vitality. I want it back! There is no doubt in my mind that I will get it through raw and living foods. I have also been no 'pooing my hair for a couple of weeks, and I am beginning to see some positive change underneath. I relented to cutting off the dry ends today, and layered it all over so that as it grows it will come back as it once was:)

As I come back into me - my natural self, my healthy self, my REAL self, I embrace each and every little change along the way. Some of it is detox, and some of it is more coming into me. This week, I am having a breakout - a rarity for me even on the SAD. This too will run its course and will be but a memory. I am also growing used to and fond of seeing my face in the mirror as it now is and is becoming. So many, many years since I have seen me.

I can't express how truly magickal this is - to have ME back. To have my LIFE back. To have my BEAUTY back. Raw and living foods have brought me here, and continue to sate me on my journey of healing and rediscovery.

January 10, 2008 - Push It!!!

2008-01-10T16:18:00.000-08:00

That's what I had to do today to get my workout in, and I am oh-so-glad I did! It was about 4:30 this afternoon, and I knew if I didn't get started soon it would be dark and I REALLY wouldn't want to go run. So I first put on the tae bo tape I like to use to warm up, and didn't really get fully into it until it was almost over. Then I went outside to do my laps, and I noticed on the very first running one, something incredible! My gait was increasing! My legs are beginning to feel stronger! I am SO loving this!!!

Running at dusk was amazing. There was a nice calm to the moist, cool, air - which made my running time a type of meditative joy.

Afterwards, I sat on the porch in one of our Adirondack rockers and contemplated my current projects, deciding which to move to the forefront, and which ones to put down. It was a lovely time of mental organization which was a happy and welcome experience considering how dazed I'd been feeling all day.

Fitness brings clarity - I've always known this. I just haven't always pushed myself when it comes to exercise. Now I can see the benefits of doing so.

My body and mind feel incredible, and my spirit is raising to a higher level with learning to run. Having been born a cripple, I have always had a fear of losing my legs or the ability to use them. I have never dared to run before now for fear of potential damage. Raw foods and the support I receive from this community have fostered the courage in me to reach for what I have always believed to be an impossible dream - to RUN.

Realizing this goal is very cleansing for my inner being as I observe in amazement what my body truly is capable of doing.

Thank you, Bon Dieu, for bringing me to higher levels, on all levels!

January 7, 2008 - Lesson Next...

2008-01-07T08:41:00.000-08:00

is to learn to trust in my heart again. It is something I haven't done for some time, but in my youth, I lived by my passions! It was what fed me artistically, what guided my every decision, and fostered my relations. But life is full of hard knocks, and in getting my share I did the one thing I had begged Deity to never allow me to do.

SHUT DOWN.

I stopped living by my heart and doing everything out of my head. It has moulded me into a very analytical being over the years. While that is a useful trait to have, there must be balance and moderation. Sadly, I have made a very cold home on the extreme end out in the analytic mind. I want my heart back. I want that door open again, forever open!

Now, as I wallow and pray for guidance, I am told that the answers I seek are locked away, deep in my heart, and only me with the key. It feels as though this is a faraway place, the place where my heart resides. I am unsure if I even have a map to find my way. So, I must look deep within to find the path to rescue that which I so long ago locked away. My heart is in the room of a tall tower, in a land I've not visited for some time. I put it there so as to protect it, but never dreamed I would run so far away from it.

Today I begin my journey and my quest, for the Lwa tell me that when I find my heart, I will know my truth.

January 5, 2008 - You had to learn to walk...

2008-01-05T05:43:00.000-08:00

before you could run. That's what was playing in in my head in the wee hours this morning. As I lay next to a still sleeping Jaysen, I had so many wonderful thoughts of things to do with my life - the raw certifications: certified chef, lifestyle coach, and instructor. My thoughts then drifted too to my massage therapy skills, and wondering if I'll ever be able to afford to go back and get my licensure - preferably a multi-State one for the States within the scope of my future. I also thought about the transcription and tried again in vain to reframe that line of work as being one that helps the healing process. Bottom line is, I want to BE a Healer, not simply write for those I don't believe in...it is and ever shall be merely a stepping stone.

Then another message I have heard so many times came through again - that I have to heal myself before I can heal others. It was a little discouraging, as I have already come so far! I know I have a ways to go yet, and I know that my target is just under a year from now, so I believe these messages were given to me by the Lwa to let me know to make the most of my remaining healing time, because the BIG stuff is a-coming!

Putting it in that light, I feel much better about this little exchange in guidance!

I did talk to Jaysen this morning (briefly) about missing massage and wanting to work on him. He had also been thinking along the same lines. So, tonight, I will begin relearning and perfecting what I DO know how to do, so that some day, I can pick back up in that field as well.

1-2-2008 - It's SNOWING!!!!!!

2008-01-02T09:43:00.000-08:00

Just enough to look pretty, and yet not enough to make the roads hazardous. I'm loving it! The high today will be around 24 degrees, and I will be making my way outside in it to do some running/walking in the mid afternoon! I'm very excited about going - planning on around 3pm...

I went out this morning and took some new pictures of the current me, and about froze my fingers off the first time I went out! LOL!!! (forgot my gloves) I'll make sure to wear 2 pair when I head out.

The Universe has wonderful ways of crossing people's paths, and I thank the Lwa again for my true blessings in life! Old friends who have found their ways back to me, and new friends with so much in common that I have to wonder if we have been twins before. I am so happy to have Meg in my life - you are a very special light, Dear, and I hope we have many years of growing together ahead of us..((Hugs)).

So, today I am back in the swing of things from my fitness stand point, giddy that as of this morning, I have lost 60.3 pounds, and in sheer bliss that I ONLY crave raw foods now! I've been up and down with this up until about a week ago, and now I know that it has stuck in my heart, mind, body and spirit.

Many things have brought me to this point. Part has been the miraculous results I have seen in the past 6 months, despite not adhering to 100% raw, 100% of the time. It's no longer waking up feeling like I am arthitic. It's no longer being a slave to the coffee pot. It's no more TMJ. It's no more sinusitis. It's getting my enery back. It's getting my hunger for fitness and health to new levels. It's finding and embracing my passions again - long lost and once thought dead. It's the look in my husband's face when he admires the current me, and how he encourages me to go on. It's the delight I hear in other's voices in how well a job I've done for myself...and it's the deepend relationships I have formed with my Guides, the Lwa and the Fae.

When I look at cooked food these days, I have no desire for it. A short while ago, I found that when I am subjected to having a cooked item, I binge on whatever I can get my hands on. It's like I am starving! It was then that I came to realize that the reaction I was having was true - my body WAS starving! She had gotten so used to the full benefits of raw foods, that when the cooked items were reintroduced, she said, "Hey!! Wait a minute!!! I'm still hungry!!! You expect me to live off THIS stuff???? Gimmee something else!!!! I'm STARVING!!!!!!"

That was all the convincing I needed to know that 100% raw is what I need, and where I am more than happy to stay:)

6 months raw...60.3 pounds released!

1-1-2008 - Happy New Year!!!!

2008-01-01T07:23:00.000-08:00

What a beautiful morning it is! I even woke up a pound lighter:D

I finished out 2007 reading Matt & Sarma's book, "Raw Food, Real World." It was a Christmas gift I received over the weekend:) I LOVE the way it is written! I am really enjoying it!!!

On my agenda for today, is a water-only fast, and that cleansing bath with (vanilla soy) milk and rose water. My body is purging today, so I know that it will be most thankful for the water today.

It is also a day of honoring Papa Legba and the ancestors, and I have laid out quite the feast for them at thier tables this morning. It is also Mama Danto's honoring day of the week, so I made sure to take care of her as well, after saying the Our Father and the Hail Mary.

Then I went up to the Faerie room, and they wanted in on the celebration, so I promised them freshly made cookies. I'll be very happy when we can get that dehydrator. I really do not like giving the Fae cooked foods. I decided on a recipe from a book I've had since I was a kid - "The Cookie Book" - a scholastic reader. The book only has 12 recipes in it. One for each month of the year. So, January it was - a batch of Sugar and Spice cookies and their small goblet of soy creamer to wash them down with! I just took them their platter and goblet a bit ago.

Whew!! I'm winded! Glad I'm not required to eat any of that. Sometimes it isn't so bad that hubby isn't raw yet...

I really do feel good that my taste for cook foods has vanished! I'm also so very happy to meet and greet this new year among loved ones, kith, and kin! Speaking of whom, it's about time I got started calling my relations to bid them good tidings for the coming year!

Happy New Year Everyone!!

12-31-2007 - Good Bye 2007!

2007-12-31T13:08:00.001-08:00

It's been a great year for me and I am looking forward to 2008! The second half of 2007 being the MOST RAWsome time of this past year!! In January, I purchased my MT course, in April, I left my nightmare job, in May my hubby graduated from UNT, in June we moved to our beautiful new home in Tennessee, in July the Lwa made themselves known to me, and in August I began my RAWSOME journey:)

I have gone from a BMI in the Morbid Obesity (Class 3)range back in May, to a BMI today in the Obesity 1 (Class 1 range).

I had hoped to have my weight below 200 pounds by the end of 2007, and although I didn't meet that goal, I came damn close - being at 209.6 pounds (57.9 pounds released in 2007) this morning, and I am happy!

With the aide and blessings of the Lwa, I have let go of so many hurts, ails, and blockages that have literally held me back for years. I thank Them, I thank Bon Dieu, and I thank my raw life!

Today we've been deep cleaning the house, and soon will begin the Spiritual cleansing - asking the Lwa to join and aide us in clearing our home of the past years' negativity, stagnation, or maleficent energies. I can already feel the energy shifting just from the deep cleaning!

We finished the cleaning and cleansing of our home around 5:30 pm. We cleansed from the basement, to the top floor, and then the main floor to the front door and out on the porch, closets and pantries included. It needed doing. During the process, I could sense things that needed to be released and in some cases, banished. Afterward, I went out on the porch for a moment and sensed an angry man leaving the premises. He was slender, wearing a longcoat and a derby. I believe I have felt him before on the porch - by a brush to my arm, or a hand on my lower back, and no one there to see. All of that is gone now, and the Lwa are to thank. I could feel also a safe boundary around us and our home, security in place:)

Tomorrow we will begin the New Year cleansing our bodies. We will share a bath with milk and rose water, and I for one will be on a water-only fast for the day. It will be a time of rest and rejuvenation for both of us, making ourselves ready for the coming year!

How will you begin your New Year?

12-24-2007 - So Far, So GOOD!

2007-12-24T05:53:00.000-08:00

on releasing the next 50 pounds! In fact, I am 6.5 pounds into that 50 pound release!!! This feels SO incredible!!!! One of my favorite things about it is the fact that when my hubby and I hold each other close, just HOW CLOSE we can now hold one another:)

MORE exciting news on this front, is that I am finally out of the PLUS SIZES!!!! There was a time in my life when a 3X (26/28) was a tight fit...but as we found out a few days ago, I am in L (14/16) and XL (16/18) now!!!!! I could not be happier about this! I am only 12 pounds away from being below the 200 pound mark and I can hardly wait to finally get there again:)

I love how I feel being back to 100% raw. There truly is a huge difference between 99.9% and 100%. My clarity has increased tremendously, I am more alert, and I am happy to the point of giddiness at times! My body feels so much better, so much cleaner!

Tomorrow is Christmas Day, and I've bought Jaysen and I each a fresh orange for our stockings. That will be our breakfast! There is nothing better than a fresh orange on Christmas morning, in my opinion - it's like sunshine in a snowfall to me:) Then in the afternoon, our supper will be a special one. I'm preparing us a special raw spinach and mushroom cream on zucchini pasta! We'll have raw parmesan to spoon over it. I'm so looking forward to it!!!

We celebrated Yule last Friday, and it was such fun! Santa Paws came and brought
our fabulous four-leggeds some very lovely gifts and filled their stockings, too.

Jaysen has really been wanting a wii for a long time, and all I really wanted was Alissa Cohen's book. Well, his Dad had sent us some $$ as well as some gifts, so after securing the amount I needed for the book, we looked at the budget and found we could afford a wii for him!! Now, I really did not think that we'd be able to find one this close to Christmas, but we had to TRY. Friday morning, I got up early and started making phone calls. I chose Toys-R-Us first, and as luck would have it, they'd just gotten 21 of them in that morning!! I asked if they'd hold one for me, and I was told NO. So at 7:15 a.m., we piled into the car and began the 30 minute drive, two towns over. I was nervous. I was very concerned that we'd get there and they'd be sold out:( But, when we pulled into the parking lot, there was hardly a car! Jaysen went in while I parked, and secured his wii! They had already sold 3 before we'd arrived. He's so very happy and still in a bit of shock over this very unexpected gift.

I also had been working on this afghan I'd began and promised him better than 5 years ago. It too I finished on Yule, and presented to him as his first gift of the night! I have more practical things, for which I am very greatful - longjohns, pjs that FIT, and convertible mittens for when my hands are too cold to type well...

This whole holiday season has easily been the best Jaysen and I have shared together. The only thing that would have put it over the top would have been having my kids join us tomorrow - but that will wait until March, when they are all able to come for a visit! We're leaving the trees and decorations up until then, when we will have a family Christmas together:)

I moved our TV/VCR etc downstairs last week (being that the room they were in feels more like a meat locker), with the intent that I would begin using my workout videos on days that I can't get outside to walk. I'm still not used to the cold here, so many days I find I can't handle leaving the front porch! Now that the afghan is done, and the holidays are coming to an end, I will be starting to do those videos again!

12-17-2007 - I'm Ready...

2007-12-17T07:42:00.000-08:00

to release the next 50 pounds! I had to have some shaking in time...time to get used to my body being so much smaller than it was only 6 months ago! Not only did I need an adjustment period, but so did Jaysen;)

He has been very pleased with my progress, but a part of him feels guilty for being so much more attracted to me as I progress - it seems it is almost like he feels like he is dishonoring my former self by enjoying my burgeoning slim self so much more. I can see where this would be feeling like you're cheating on someone with themselves...

As for me, I've had to get used to the new me. Each morning when I wake up, I find myself feeling my body to make sure this has not all been a dream. That I haven't gained it all back overnight. I have had small bouts of self-sabbotage this month, mostly due to anxiety about the holidays, and having to look better than my best for a photo shoot for my mother.

Like the wonderful spouse he is, Jaysen helped set me to rights and back on the 100% raw path over the past two days. He said things to me that gave me confidence, and when I was teetering over the issue of wanting coffee, he put his foot down and said, "No." He showed me that he doesn't want the old me back. He is groovin' on the current and potential me too much to allow for that. How can I let him down? How can I let myself down?

The answer is...I can't! That translates to "I WON'T!" Now, I am READY:)

12-14-2007 - True Gifts!

2007-12-14T07:29:00.000-08:00

It suddenly occurred to me last night how blessed I am in the realm of friendships this holiday season! When we moved here 6 months ago, I realized at the time, just how few people I had in my life who I considered true friends, and during/after my relo, even more fell away. I found myself more alone than I ever have in my life.

I was understandably depressed by this and couldn't help but wonder, what was so wrong with me that even my long-time friends had apparently ceased to find value in me. When did this all occur? Why did I suddenly find myself so alone? I prayed to the Lwa and to Bon Dieu to bring some quality feminine friendships into my life, and to help me understand...

Since then, I have had three old friends who I had thought lost to me for no other reason than just not knowing what ever happened to them, or where they went, come back into my life. They sought me out! One of whom found me through someone who has proven to not be the friend I thought she was...one of those who fell away from me.

These three women are each unique in their own way and in what they represent to me -one is like the little sister I never had, one is my peer, and the third is more of a big sis. We are now happily back in each other's lives, for the crying times, the celebrations, and we are each, in our own way, growing. We provide balance, support, and love to each other, and it is beautiful.

A fourth woman, also a long time ago association and fellow artist, is on the periphery. She is in need, and I maintain my posture with her, so as to only offer the occasional necessary hand up; to not be dragged down. I see the potential in her, yet she lacks self-confidence to embrace all that she can be. I look forward to her finding her strength along the way, as we celebrate her transformations together...

Now I understand.

I see that those who have fallen away from me, were representative of elements that would have held me back in my healing journey and my future growth. It was a painful process, letting go...

In addition to these reunited friendships, I see that I also have been gifted with new friends of like Spirituality - also something I prayed for the Lwa to bring into my life. I now have Mambos, Houngans, and Vodouisants that I can commune with, and it feeds my soul so happily and fully!

Then there's the quality folk on the forums - so many who I regularly chat with, who read from me, people I'd someday love to meet, and those with whom I want to do raw potlucks! We share in each other's rawsome journeys each day - in support, love, and comaraderie.

Yes, this is a blessed holiday season - a time to assess our blessings, lock arm-in-arm with one another, and happily march successfully into the coming years together

WOW! I am TRULY Blessed by each and every one of you!

Happiest of Holidays to you ALL, my Rawbie Friends and Relations! May the Season bring to you as much Joy as it has given me!

12-10-2007 - We're All Nightingales...

2007-12-10T18:39:00.000-08:00

One of my absolute favorite Christmas songs is an old Mexican holiday folksong, that I first heard sung by Garth Brooks, probably a decade ago, on his "Tis the Season" cd.

I am hoping that you have all heard it, if not by him, by Aselin Debison, who was only 12 when she recorded it. It is a precious, magickal tune, and I formed an even higher appreciation for it the other day, when I realized that we're all Nightingales...

The bird in this song was discovered with a broken wing, and was gently nursed back to health by an orphaned little girl. She kept it safe in a cage of rushes she'd spent her last peso to buy. This, I believe is where we all are when we are starting our raw journeys. Some are sick, some are hurt, and some are broken. But when we find our paths, we are then safe and well care for and about by our friends and family and forums, much like Maria's little bird.

The bird finds its health and strength over time. Maria desperately wants to give something to God on Christmas Eve, and all she has is her little bird, so she sneaks in to place it with all the "finer things" when she thinks no one will see. She is embarrassed, and thinks her gift is unworthy. How many times have we felt that way about ourselves? That we're unworthy of just trying? of our attaining optimal health? of reaping our success? or finding our bliss and happiness?

God speaks to Maria, and tells her to open the door of the cage so he can see her gift all the better. At that point the little bird flys up into the rafters and sings a song no other can match - and that's where we all truly are! We are living our raw lives, up in the rafters, singing the most beautiful songs, dancing the most beautiful dances, creating the most wonderful writings, art, love, and being the best of what and who we are.

This song brought out a message in me, and that is to think of that wonderous Nightingale any time we begin to get down on ourselves, thinking we'll never succeed, or that we're unworthy, because, we are all beautiful creations of an ultimate being, and we are indeed perfect, melodious Nightingales!

"The Gift"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1F9oC0auZCI&feature=related

A poor orphan girl named Maria
was walking the market one day
she stopped for to rest by the road side
where a bird with a broken wing laid
a few moments passed till she saw it
for it's feathers were covered with sand
and soon clean and wrapped it was traveling
in the warmth of Maria's small hand
she happily gave her last peso
on a cage made of rushes and twine
she fed it loose corn from the market
and watched it grow stronger with time
now the gift giving service was coming
and the church warm with tinsel and light
an' all of the town folk brought presents
to lay by the manger that night
there were diamonds, incense and perfumes
and packages fit for a king
but for one raged bird in a small cage
Maria had nothing to bring
she waited till just before midnight
so no one would see her go in
and crying she knelt by the manger
for her gift was unworthy of him
then a voice spoke to her through the darkness
Maria what brings you to me?
if the bird in the cage is your offering
open the door let me see
so she trembled, she did as he asked her
an' out of the cage the bird flew
soaring up into the rafters
on a wing that had healed good as new
an' just then the midnight bells rang out
and the little bird started to sing
a song that no words could recapture
for its beauty was fit for a king
now Maria felt blessed just to listen
to the cascade of notes sweet and long
as her offering was lifted to heaven
by the very first Nightingale's song.

12-9-2007 - What a Beautiful, Wet Day!

2007-12-09T13:01:00.000-08:00

I am having a phenomial day, today! I woke up this morning contemplating how blessed I have been in my life to have the ability to reach out and make a difference in people's lives who have had significantly tougher times than have I.

I used to grieve that I had let them down for not having done "enough" - but how much is "enough?" Now with the clarity that I am receiving on this amazing raw journey, I see where I did do right by them - and by me.

Breakfast was incredible - I LOVE my raw vegan breakfasts! I'd made a raw cranberry relish last night (it's on my recipe blog), and decided to have a fair portion of it on some sliced bananas with some pecans and coconut - it was like a full fruit sundae!

It's been lightly raining most of the day, but I was determined to get out and do some walking today! I am so glad I did, as the olfactory experiences were truly magickal:)

Oakmoss, rain, and wet brown leaves are some of my favorite smells, and today, on my walk, I drank in all three! This is a wooded area across the road from my home, and as I strolled past the amazing 40-foot tall trees, the wonderful mix of smells was beautifully intoxicating! The trees have lost most of their leaves now, and they form a thick, rusty blanket on the wood's floor.

I walked my first mile for the day, and my first mile for this week after having been under the weather. I'd really missed being outside and moving my body. I felt the wetness in the air from the intermittent rain showers softly kissing my face as I walked, becoming more rejuvenated with each step.

On my route, I began picking up on other wonderful smells on this old country road. As I passed the barn, I recognized the wet wood smell of old hickory. It was smoky, delicious, and comforting. Further on my walk was the smell of recently turned soil, reminding me of how alive I feel working the earth. Then there was the smell of damp hay - huge bales set aside for the cows two farms over, and I thought of how much I love to hear their lowing in the late afternoons, sitting in my rocking chair on our porch.

It's so good to be alive and on the road to optimal wellness, enjoying all the scents along the way!

12-8-2007 - It's been a few days!!!!

2007-12-08T04:49:00.000-08:00

I've been ill most if the week with a (thankfully mild) stomach flu, so I haven't been up to staying on track with my posts. I'm feeling more myself now, so I will hopefully stay up to date...

So many blessings this holiday season - I continue to release not only the weight, but those things holding me back and the things I have historically sabotaged myself over.

I have often, and more so recently as I progress, been quite unnerved by the prospect of becoming slender and beautiful again. It seems a silly fear, but there is so much complexity to the issue, it has taken an epiphany of sorts to bring it all to light.

From this I have surmised, that it is time to say GOODBYE to the old FAT me. That's my current lesson. It was revealed to me through a rash of recent nightmares. I keep dreaming that I am back up to 300+ pounds, and that my husband is leaving me for a thin, beautiful, younger woman. In the same dream, I am also being forced to return to my previous, heinous employer. The meaning of these nightmares came to me yesterday morning around 5:30, when I was again awakened by the dream, and found myself scared, sad, and a bit suprised to find myself safe in my bed, still my current much smaller size, with my husband lying next to me, softly sleeping.

As I laid there, processing the dream and looking for meanings, I realized I should look to what my FAT self signified. There was security in my size. Much less attention getting at that weight, I could easily find myself lost in a crowd, and not worry so much about being brought out to be the center of attention. There was also fun - no discipline, so food was never an issue to be concerned with. I could eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and how ever much I wanted - it all served to comfort me emotionally, physically, and it served as my mantle against the world. As for the former horrible workplace - where I was grossly underpaid and forever held back from positions of authority, pay, and prestige - yes, there was safety there, too - in being able to "come home" whenever I wanted to. I'd left the company before, but to go to school - a couple of times, and had come back, always being received with open arms.

The slender, beautiful woman enchanting my husband away from my FAT self represents the NEW me, and how he feels about who I am becoming! She represents intelligence, she is the center of attention - she is sexy, beautiful, and successful. She is fertile, and able to have children with him. These are all things of which I have been deprived of since my mid twenties for some reason or other. Part of it was me and my own low self-worth, and part of it was the bitterness of others who had control of my life.

In my dreams, my husband is adamant that he wants the younger, beautiful woman, and no longer wants the old FAT me to share his life. The old FAT me is crushed, while the NEW me is powerful, beautiful and strong, and commands respect.

So now that I understand these nightmares, I realize that it is time to say goodbye to the old FAT me. It is time to say goodbye to all the ills, the abuse, the dissapointments, and embrace the NEW me. Time to stop looking back on the past and letting it drag me down. It is time for me to accept success. It is time for me to accept excitement. It is time for me to become daring and powerful! It is time for bliss and happiness!

No more lingering in the back of the room. No more walking with my eyes to the ground. No more waiting for someone to "discover" me and my talents. No more mantle. No more safety net. They are no longer necessary...

12-5-2007 - ...think about it!

2007-12-06T04:48:00.000-08:00

As the year draws to a close, I sit reflecting on how much has occurred and progressed for me from this time last year. I mentioned not too long ago, the importance of not measuring what you have or what you have attained by what others have, but more from where you yourself have come from.

That's what I have been up to today. This time last year, I was trapped in a heinously abusive work situation. My weight was steadily rising as the stress worsened, and I was quickly becoming numb to everything and everyone. My manager and his peers were pushing major abuse buttons and I was reliving my past with my ex. I had gone from being a happy, outgoing, optimist to a withdrawn, disgruntled, passionless pessimist, and I knew I had to get out. I was becoming someone I did NOT like - I was angry and mistrusting...I was dying inside.

I found my way out - and I got out - at the end of April! It cost me my 401K funds, but it was worth every penny! As I walked out of the building, my body shuddered. I felt nausea as tears welled up in my eyes on the way out those doors for the last time. Thirteen years I worked for that company, and it was past time for me to walk out, a free woman.

That's when my healing journey began. I was finally able to begin to destress and look to what my future might become. My hubby and I had a dream - a dream to get out of Texas, and we were making that happen for ourselves! He would be graduating from UNT in May, so we readied our belongings, cleared out things we didn't want to bring with us, and made our relocation to Tennessee in early June. It was hard leaving my (grown) kids behind, and I cried as we drove out of town. It's still hard, but I know had I not done this, I would not have lived many more years.

Upon getting settled is when I was finally able to start getting in touch with my inner being. She had been through the wringer over the years. Abusive, neglect, lies, even a passive murder attempt. A person I unfortunately found myself with tampered with the car I was driving with the intent to make it look like an accident. Over the years I was questioning reality, fearing for my own sanity. I'd forgotten what it was like to even be a girl.

I found myself once again androgynous, numb, and left for dead on the Corporate battlefield and by August, four short months after gaining my freedom, I was finally on my way back!

I had been researching raw foods for a couple of years, and had dabbled a few times, but couldn't stick with it due to $$ and time constraints. This time I decided I would stick with it no matter what - and if it meant some water fasts, I was ready to do it.

I quickly got back in touch with my Spiritual side, which I believe has been guiding my feet all along, even in times when I couldn't feel it. I began to unravel - issues from YEARS past would gently bubble up to the surface, and only so much that I was able to deal with at one time. Events from childhood, abusive relationships, horrific work environments, even things I didn't know were still issues - it all began to gracefully peel away, and I to grow stronger in WHO and WHAT I am and will be.

I have cast off unhappy behaviors I was conditioned into by my abusive ex. I have thrown away the unfair and hurtful opinions of friends and family that molded my life up until now. And I have worked through so much loss.

In the process, I have reembraced my muse and picked my Art back up again after more than a decade, and it's even better now than it was back then! I am also pursuing another of my loves, in writing.

I am rediscovering what it is to be feminine. I am learning that I don't have to be a cold warrior, that I can be the loving, nuturing, inspiring woman I have always wanted to live my life as being.

I have released 52.5 pounds this year, and I continue to happily melt. I am relearning what it means to be sexy. I am loving myself for the first time in my life. I reinforce my love of my self each day as I live my raw life.

So here we are, nearing the year's end, and I sit anxiously awaiting what the new rawsome year will bring into my life and into yours!

12-4-2007 - Being Thankful for Who I Am...

2007-12-04T13:30:00.000-08:00

I've had a rough and rocky road most of my life...let's face it - more people do than are willing to admit it. But I look at me and who I have been and am becoming and I can't help but be thankful to those who have guided me well through the hard times, through the healing, and those who are guiding me on this rawsome journey. I'm not just talking about people, but Spirit, the Lwa, and Bon Dieu.

I wouldn't be as strong or independent as I am now had I not had the tempering I experienced in my lifetime. So many times into the fire, and so many more times, I have emerged the stronger sword. So many times I wished to be left to die on the battlefield of life, and yet they urged me to get up and to move on. I am thankful beyond words that those wishes were never granted...

I got into a conversation on a thread today that brought me to this contemplation. I am feeling a bit of sadness, as I always do when I think of the hard times, but it is no longer ruling me. It no longer has control over me! I think that's the best part of this healing raw journey, is finally putting those things to rest and moving upward and onward.

I have reframed the pain, the abuse, and the suffering, from the mantle I have lived with for so long, to more of a cocoon, from which I am now emerging a most beautiful butterfly! Someday I will spread my wings and those who hurt me before will shie away, because they will be unable to deny the truth that I have become.

To those coming from similar backgrounds as mine, do as I have done; as you transform your mind/body/soul on this raw journey, find your strength - develop it and let no one back you down - ever again! Know that WHEN you emerge from your own cocoons, you too will shine with such beauty and strength, you will find no one able to truly hold you back...

I have been told by people I once trusted and loved that I would never amount to anything. I have been told that no decent man would ever want me because I was ___(enter demeaning adjectives here). I have since become a successful artist, have a beautiful marriage, and am now being told by a good number of people that I am an inspiration for them in my own raw journey. LIFE CAN TURN AROUND FOR THE BEST!

Push through it - emerge from the darkness others have cast upon you - and have faith in you and who you are to become. Raw life is nothing short of miraculous.

12-3-2007 - Under the Weather...

2007-12-03T13:02:00.000-08:00

I think I overdid the decking of said halls yesterday. I woke up at 3 a.m. by an exceedingly pained shoulder (moving some very heavy stuff around) and a very stuffy head (dust). I took some ibuprofen and some allergy/sinus meds and have been about half wasted today.

I have zero appetite, and hardly any thirst. No walking today, as all I want to do is curl up and sleep. I'll report back in later if I can work myself up to eating anything this evening...

...okay, I finally managed to get hungry enough to eat something today (it's about 7:30 p.m.), and I think I may have come down with a mild something-or-other. I'm currently eating from a large bowl: a small amount of lettuce, a small amount of "beans" and a LARGE amount of psycho-hot fresh salsa! I needed something to put the psycho hot salsa on - I thought...should've just made a psycho hot gazpacho...oh well. Live and learn.

I suddenly realized in the kitchen tonight, that even though I grew up in Texas, I was not raised eating salsa!!! SCANDAL!!!!! My Mom was the cook of the house, and she was from the East, and my Dad is from N. Louisiana - so we DID use Tabasco and sometimes that vinegar with all the little green peppers inside. I think my Dad is where the Tabasco influence came from. Regardless, I didn't know the wonders of salsa outside of a Mexican restaurant until I was well into adulthood! Then it was a great number of years before I realized that it was the RAW ones I LOVED at those restaurants.

So, here I sit, happily ingesting my psycho-hot dinner, and being oh-so-thankful for the day I discovered raw salsas! YUMMMMMMMMMMM.................

12-1--2-2007 - Decking the Halls!!!!

2007-12-03T01:30:00.000-08:00

The past two days have served me wonderfully, getting us ready for our first Tennessee holiday season! Time with Jaysen is scarce these days, and this weekend was one of the rare occasions when he was scheduled to be off work! So, the first thing we did on Saturday was drive into Jonesborough and take in the nostalgic Yule ambiance! We shot some photos, and then went into Johnson City for some window shopping and to pick up some things we needed.

Sunday, we had decided that he would go in to work afterall, as money is horribly tight, but first he would help me get started on getting the tree put together. We brought in an old wooden box from outside to place it on, as we didn't want it to be at animal level. The more we worked on it together, the less we wanted Jaysen to go to work...until finally, we both tearfully agreed that home and together sharing in this experience was where he should be!

It's been too long since we shared in so much enjoyment with each other. He kept movies and music going all afternoon - "The Muppet Family Christmas," "The Wizard of Oz," and finished the day relaxing with "A Christmas Story" after I'd made him his favorite Sweedish ginger cookies from his childhood and some vegan cocoa. We put the first tree up, he put on the lights, and I arranged the garland. Then we both shared in selecting and putting on the ornaments we'd chosen this year (new cat in the house, so hardly any breakables or major keepsakes went on - still, we hardly had enough room for all of them!

Then we set about the rest of the room...putting up a 3' tree at a window that can be seen from the street, and making a special place for Jaysen's nutcrackers and Santa collection. Two of the Santas wound up in the kitchen for lack of shelf space!

I hung the stockings my Granny had made for me and my kids as we all came into this world...she has passed on - long before Jaysen came into my life, otherwise she'd have made him one too.

It was truly a magickal afternoon! We decked all of the halls in the house! Even the Faerie Room has a tree and a stocking!

I didn't keep track of my walking or my food intake over the weekend, so I can only guesstimate on the miles walked. I also didn't keep to 100% raw, but it was pretty durn close, and the time we shared through it all, was priceless!

I hope your house is having as happy a season as are we! Brightest of Blessings to You and Yours this holiday season!

11-30-2007 - Necessary Evil?

2007-11-30T10:07:00.000-08:00

It has been a stellar day so far - I've gotten lots done - dishes, laundry, walked five laps all at once (2.5 miles) with hardly any effort, and fixed myself an amazing lunch - a "bean" and homemade salsa salad that is positively foodgasmic - recipe is on my other blog.

I got to thinking while I was out walking - about people I have known who don't ever get big. Some of them are well-disciplined. Some of them are neurotic. Some of them are narcissistic. I started thinking about what brought me to where I once found myself - at over 300 pounds. I believe it was my lack of narcissism. I grew up hating narcissism. Perhaps had I allowed a drop or two into my being, I wouldn't have ignored what was happening to my body. Instead, because of all the cruel, and sometimes vicious accusations that were thrust upon me, I went the other direction with an industrial-quality set of blinders to shield my eyes from my ever blossoming form!

Now that I am on the down swing, I can't help but look at pictures of me now and wonder if they are really me. Some of them I even think of as beautiful these days, which, this is the first time in my life to hold such an acknowledgement of self.

It will be interesting how I am able to percieve myself as the weight comes off and I finally return to my "normal" size of 126 pounds. I haven't weighed that since the early 80s. I haven't been below 200 pounds since 1994. That's 13 years too long! I am SO ready for this - as strange as it may get for me!

On to my progression for the day:

Food:

1 banana
4 c. smoothie (2 bananas, 1 orange + water)
2 big bean and salsa salads - one for lunch and one for dinner!!
132 oz. water

Activity:

3.5 miles walked
100 crunches